FLOWERS
Lulu was watching her mother working among the flowers. "Mama, I know
why flowers grow," she said; "they want to get out of the dirt."
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FINGERBOWLS
MISTRESS (to new servant)--"Why, Bridget, this is the third time I've had to tell you about the finger-bowls. Didn't the lady you last worked for have them on the table?" BRIDGET--"No, mum; her friends always washed their hands before they came... FIRE DEPARTMENTS
Clang, clatter, bang! Down the street came the fire engines. Driving along ahead, oblivious of any danger, was a farmer in a ramshackle old buggy. A policeman yelled at him: "Hi there, look out! The fire department's coming." Turning in by th... FIRE ESCAPES
Fire escape: A steel stairway on the exterior of a building, erected after a FIRE to ESCAPE the law. ... FIRES
"Ikey, I hear you had a fire last Thursday." "Sh! Next Thursday." ... FIRST AID IN ILLNESS AND INJURY
The father of the family hurried to the telephone and called up the family physician. "Our little boy is sick, Doctor," he said, "so please come at once." "I can't get over much under an hour," said the doctor. "Oh please do, Doctor. You see,... FISH
A man went into a restaurant recently and said, "Give me a half dozen fried oysters." "Sorry, sah," answered the waiter, "but we's all out o' shell fish, sah, 'ceptin' eggs." Little Elizabeth and her mother were having luncheon together, an... FISHERMEN
At the birth of President Cleveland's second child no scales could be found to weigh the baby. Finally the scales that the President always used to weigh the fish he caught on his trips were brought up from the cellar, and the child was found to w... FISHING
A man was telling some friends about a proposed fishing trip to a lake in Colorado which he had in contemplation. "Are there any trout out there?" asked one friend. "Thousands of 'em," replied Mr. Wharry. "Will they bite easily?" asked anot... FLATS
"Hello, Tom, old man, got your new flat fitted up yet?" "Not quite," answered the friend. "Say, do you know where I can buy a folding toothbrush?" She hadn't told her mother yet of their first quarrel, but she took refuge in a flood of tear... FLATTERY
With a sigh she laid down the magazine article upon Daniel O'Connell. "The day of great men," she said, "is gone forever." "But the day of beautiful women is not," he responded. She smiled and blushed. "I was only joking," she explained, hurri... FLIES
_See_ Pure food. ... FLIRTATION
It sometimes takes a girl a long time to learn that a flirtation is attention without intention. "There's a belief that summer girls are always fickle." "Yes, I got engaged on that theory, but it looks as if I'm in for a wedding or a breach... FLOWERS
Lulu was watching her mother working among the flowers. "Mama, I know why flowers grow," she said; "they want to get out of the dirt." ... FOOD
A man went into a southern restaurant not long ago and asked for a piece of old-fashioned Washington pie. The waiter, not understanding and yet unwilling to concede his lack of knowledge, brought the customer a piece of chocolate cake. "No, no,... FOOTBALL
His SISTER--"His nose seems broken." His FIANCEE--"And he's lost his front teeth." His MOTHER--"But he didn't drop the ball!"--_Life_. ... FORDS
A boy stood with one foot on the sidewalk and the other on the step of a Ford automobile. A playmate passed him, looked at his position, then sang out: "Hey, Bobbie, have you lost your other skate?" A farmer noticing a man in automobile garb s... FORECASTING
A lady in a southern town was approached by her colored maid. "Well, Jenny?" she asked, seeing that something was in the air. "Please, Mis' Mary, might I have the aft'noon off three weeks frum Wednesday?" Then, noticing an undecided look in he... FORESIGHT
"They tell me you're working 'ard night an' day, Sarah?" her bosom friend Ann said. "Yes," returned Sarah. "I'm under bonds to keep the peace for pullin' the whiskers out of that old scoundrel of a husban' of mine, and the Magistrate said that ... FORGETFULNESS
_See_ Memory. ... FORTUNE HUNTERS
HER FATHER--"So my daughter has consented to become your wife. Have you fixed the day of the wedding?" SUITOR--"I will leave that to my fiancée." H.F.--"Will you have a church or a private wedding?" S.--"Her mother can decide that, sir." ... FOUNTAIN PENS
"Fust time you've ever milked a cow, is it?" said Uncle Josh to his visiting nephew. "Wal, y' do it a durn sight better'n most city fellers do." "It seems to come natural somehow," said the youth, flushing with pleasure. "I've had a good deal o... FOURTH OF JULY
"You are in favor of a safe and sane Fourth of July?" "Yes," replied Mr. Growcher. "We ought to have that kind of a day at least once a year." One Fourth of July night in London, the Empire Music Hall advertised special attractions to Ameri... FREAKS
_See_ Husbands. ... FREE THOUGHT
TOMMY--"Pop, what is a freethinker?" POP--"A freethinker, my son, is any man who isn't married." ...