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FUTURE LIFE
A certain young man's friends thought he was dead, but he was only in a state of coma. When, in ample time to avoid being buried, he showed signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead. "Dead?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. I knew all th... GARDENING
Th' only time some fellers ever dig in th' gardens is just before they go a fishin'.--_Abe Martin_. "I am going to start a garden," announced Mr. Subbubs. "A few months from now I won't be kicking about your prices." "No," said the grocer; ... GAS STOVES
A Georgia woman who moved to Philadelphia found she could not be contented without the colored mammy who had been her servant for many years. She sent for old mammy, and the servant arrived in due season. It so happened that the Georgia woman had ... GENEROSITY
"This is a foine country, Bridget!" exclaimed Norah, who had but recently arrived in the United States. "Sure, it's generous everybody is. I asked at the post-office about sindin' money to me mither, and the young man tells me I can get a money or... GENTLEMEN
"Sadie, what is a gentleman?" "Please, ma'am," she answered, "a gentleman's a man you don't know very well." Two characters in Jeffery Farnol's "Amateur Gentleman" give these definitions of a gentleman: "A gentleman is a fellow who goes ... GERMANS
The poet Heine and Baron James Rothschild were close friends. At the dinner table of the latter the financier asked the poet why he was so silent, when usually so gay and full of witty remarks. "Quite right," responded Heine, "but to-night I hav... GHOSTS
"I confess, that the subject of psychical research makes no great appeal to me," Sir William Henry Perkin, the inventor of coal-tar dyes, told some friends in New York recently. "Personally, in the course of a fairly long career, I have heard at f... GIFTS
When Lawrence Barrett's daughter was married Stuart Robson sent a check for $5000 to the bridegroom. The comedian's daughter, Felicia Robson, who attended the wedding conveyed the gift. "Felicia," said her father upon her return, "did you give h... GLUTTONY
A clergyman was quite ill as a result of eating many pieces of mince pie. A brother minister visited him and asked him if he was afraid to die. "No," the sick man replied, "But I should be ashamed to die from eating too much." There was ... GOLF
Two Scotchmen met and exchanged the small talk appropriate to the hour. As they were parting to go supperward Sandy said to Jock: "Jock, mon, I'll go ye a roond on the links in the morrn'." "The morrn'?" Jock repeated. "Aye, mon, the morrn'... GOOD FELLOWSHIP
A glass is good, a lass is good, And a pipe to smoke in cold weather, The world is good and the people are good, And we're all good fellows together. May good humor preside when good fellows meet, And reason prescribe when'ti... GOSSIP
A gossip is a person who syndicates his conversation.--_Dick Dickinson_. Gossips are the spies of life. "However did you reconcile Adele and Mary?" "I gave them a choice bit of gossip and asked them not to repeat it to each other." ... GOVERNMENT OWNERSHIP
"Don't you think the coal-mines ought to be controlled by the government?" "I might if I didn't know who controlled the government."--_Life_. ... GOVERNORS
The governor of a western state was dining with the family of a Representative in Congress from that state, and opposite him at table sat the little girl of the family, aged ten. She gazed at the Governor solemnly throughout the repast. Finally... GRAFT
"What is meant by graft?" said the inquiring foreigner. "Graft," said the resident of a great city, "is a system which ultimately results in compelling a large portion of the population to apologize constantly for not having money, and the remai... GRATITUDE
After O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor, I've no way here to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you knocked down in me own parish--wouldn't I bring a ... GREAT BRITAIN
One of the stories told by Mr. Spencer Leigh Hughes in his speech in the House of Commons one night tickled everybody. It is the story of the small boy who was watching the Speaker's procession as it wended its way through the lobby. First came th... GRIEF
Jim, who worked in a garage, had just declined Mr. Smith's invitation to ride in his new car. "What's the matter, Jim?" asked Mr. Smith. "Are you sick?" "No, sah," he replied. "Tain't that--I done los' $5, sah, an' I jes' nacherly got tuh sit... GUARANTEES
TRAVELER (on an English train)--"Shall I have time to get a drink?" GUARD--"Yes, sir." TRAVELER--"Can you give me a guarantee that the train won't start?" GUARD--"Yes, I'll take one with you!" ... GUESTS
"Look here, Dinah," said Binks, as he opened a questionable egg at breakfast, "is this the freshest egg you can find?" "Naw, suh," replied Dinah. "We done got a haff dozen laid diss mornin', suh, but de bishop's comin' down hyar in August, suh, ... HABIT
Among the new class which came to the second-grade teacher, a young timid girl, was one Tommy, who for naughty deeds had been many times spanked by his first-grade teacher. "Send him to me any time when you want him spanked," suggested the latter;... HADES
_See_ Future life. ... HAPPINESS
Lord Tankerville, in New York, said of the international school question: "The subject of the American versus the English school has been too much discussed. The good got from a school depends, after all, on the schoolboy chiefly, and I'm afrai... HARNESSING
The story is told of two Trenton men who hired a horse and trap for a little outing not long ago. Upon reaching their destination, the horse was unharnessed and permitted peacefully to graze while the men fished for an hour or two. When they we...