SCOTCH, THE


A Scotsman is one who prays on his knees on Sunday and preys on his

neighbors on week days.





It being the southerner's turn, he told about a county in Missouri so

divided in sentiment that year after year the vote of a single man

prohibits the sale of liquor there. "And what," he asked, "do you

suppose is the name of the chap who keeps a whole county dry?"



Nobody had an idea.
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"Mackintosh, as I'm alive!" declared the southerner.



Everybody laughed except the Englishman. "It's just like a Scotsman to

be so obstinate!" he sniffed, and was much astonished when the rest of

the party laughed more than ever.





A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of

his parishioners recumbent in a ditch.



"Where hae you been the nicht, Andrew?" asked the minister.



"Weel, I dinna richtly ken," answered the prostrate one, "whether it was

a wedding' or a funeral, but whichever it was it was a most

extraordinary success."





_See also_ Thrift.



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