SERVANTS


TOMMY--"Pop, what is it that the Bible says is here to-day and gone

to-morrow?"



POP--"Probably the cook, my son."





As usual, they began discussing the play after the theater. "Well, how

did you like the piece, my dear?" asked the fond husband who had always

found his wife a good critic.



"Very much. There's only one improbable thing in it: the second act

takes place two years after the first, and they have the same servant."





SMITH--"We are certainly in luck with our new cook--soup, meat,

vegetables and dessert, everything perfect!"



MRS. S.--"Yes, but the dessert was made by her successor."





THE NEW GIRL--"An' may me intended visit me every Sunday afternoon,

ma'am?"



MISTRESS--"Who is your intended, Delia?"



THE NEW GIRL--"I don't know yet, ma'am. I'm a stranger in town."





"And do you have to be called in the morning?" asked the lady who was

about to engage a new girl.



"I don't has to be, mum," replied the applicant, "unless you happens to

need me."





A maid dropped and broke a beautiful platter at a dinner recently. The

host did not permit a trifle like this to ruffle him in the least.



"These little accidents happen 'most every day," he said apologetically.

"You see, she isn't a trained waitress. She was a dairymaid originally,

but she had to abandon that occupation on account of her inability to

handle the cows without breaking their horns."





Young housewives obliged to practice strict economy will sympathize with

the sad experience of a Washington woman.



When her husband returned home one evening he found her dissolved in

tears, and careful questioning elicited the reason for her grief.



"Dan," said she, "every day this week I have stopped to look at a

perfect love of a hat in Mme. Louise's window. Such a hat, Dan, such a

beautiful hat! But the price--well, I wanted it the worst way, but just

couldn't afford to buy it."



"Well, dear," began the husband recklessly, "we might manage to--"



"Thank you, Dan," interrupted the wife, "but there isn't any 'might'

about it. I paid the cook this noon, and what do you think? She marched

right down herself and bought that hat!"--_Edwin Tarrisse_.





It is probable that many queens of the kitchen share the sentiment

good-naturedly expressed by a Scandinavian servant, recently taken into

the service of a young matron of Chicago.



The youthful assumer of household cares was disposed to be a trifle

patronizing.



"Now, Lena," she asked earnestly, "are you a _good_ cook?"



"Ya-as, 'm, I tank so," said the girl, with perfect naiveté, "if you

vill not try to help me."--_Elgin Burroughs_.



"Have you a good cook now?"



"I don't know. I haven't been home since breakfast!"





MRS. LITTLETOWN--"This magazine looks rather the worse for wear."



MRS. NEARTOWN--"Yes, it's the one I sometimes lend to the servant on

Sundays."



MRS. LITTLETOWN--"Doesn't she get tired of always reading the same one?"



MRS. NEARTOWN--"Oh, no. You see, it's the same book, but it's always a

different servant."--_Suburban Life_.





MRS. HOUSEN HOHM--"What is your name?"



APPLICANT FOR COOKSHIP--"Miss Arlington."



MRS. HOUSEN HOHM--"Do you expect to be called Miss Arlington?"



APPLICANT---"No, ma'am; not if you have an alarm clock in my room."





MISTRESS--"Nora, I saw a policeman in the park to-day kiss a baby. I

hope you will remember my objection to such things."



NORA--"Sure, ma'am, no policeman would ever think iv kissin' yer baby

whin I'm around."



_See also_ Gratitude; Recommendations.



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