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WHISKY
This is from an Irish priest's sermon, as quoted in Samuel M. Hussey's "Reminiscences of an Irish Land Agent": "'It's whisky makes you bate your wives; it's whisky makes your homes desolate; it's whisky makes you shoot your landlords, and'--with e... WHISKY BREATH
_See_ Breath. ... WIDOWS
During the course of conversation between two ladies in a hotel parlor one said to the other: "Are you married?" "No, I am not," replied the other. "Are you?" "No," was the reply, "I, too, am on the single list," adding: "Strange that two such ... WIND
VISITOR--"What became of that other windmill that was here last year?" NATIVE--"There was only enough wind for one, so we took it down." Whichever way the wind doth blow Some heart is glad to have it so; Then blow it east, or blow it ... WINDFALLS
A Nebraska man was carried forty miles by a cyclone and dropped in a widow's front yard. He married the widow and returned home worth about $30,000 more than when he started. ... WINE
When our thirsty souls we steep, Every sorrow's lull'd to sleep. Talk of monarchs! we are then Richest, happiest, first of men. When I drink, my heart refines And rises as the cup declines; Rises in the genial flow, That none... WISHES
George Washington drew a long sigh and said: "Ah wish Ah had a hundred watermillions." Dixie's eyes lighted. "Hum! Dat would suttenly be fine! An' ef yo' had a hundred watermillions would yo' gib me fifty?" "No, Ah wouldn't." "Wouldn't yo'... WITNESSES
"The trouble is," said Wilkins as he talked the matter over with his counsel, "that in the excitement of the moment I admitted that I had been going too fast, and wasn't paying any attention to the road just before the collision. I'm afraid that a... WIVES
"Father," said a little boy, "had Solomon seven hundred wives?" "I believe so, my son," said the father. "Well, father, was he the man who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?'"--_Town Topics_. A charitable lady was reading the Old Te... WOMAN
Woman--the only sex which attaches more importance to what's on its head than to what's in it. "How very few statues there are of real women." "Yes! it's hard to get them to look right." "How so?" "A woman remaining still and saying no... WOMAN SUFFRAGE
WOMAN VOTER--"Now, I may as well be frank with you. I absolutely refuse to vote the same ticket as that horrid Jones woman." Kate Douglas Wiggin was asked recently how she stood on the vote for women question. She replied she didn't "stand a... WOMEN'S CLUBS
_See_ Clubs. ... WORDS
_See_ Authors. ... WORK
All work and no play Makes Jack surreptitiously gay. "Wot cheer, Alf? Yer lookin' sick; wot is it?" "Work! nuffink but work, work, work, from mornin' till night!" '"Ow long 'ave yer been at it?" "Start tomorrow."--_Punch_. Sev... WORMS
A country girl was home from college for the Christmas holidays and the old folks were having a reception in her honor. During the event she brought out some of her new gowns to show to the guests. Picking up a beautiful silk creation she held it ... YALE UNIVERSITY
The new cook, who had come into the household during the holidays, asked her mistress: "Where ban your son? I not seeing him round no more." "My son," replied the mistress pridefully. "Oh, he has gone back to Yale. He could only get away long... YONKERS
An American took an Englishman to a theater. An actor in the farce, about to die, exclaimed: "Please, dear wife, don't bury me in Yonkers!" The Englishman turned to his friend and said: "I say, old chap, what _are_ yonkers?" ...