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Don't confuse mac's with PC's
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. <BR> <BR> Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my <BR> home computer." (Training stresses that we are "not the Sof...
Expert in the kitchen
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. <BR> "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home." <BR> <BR> "Why?" asked somebody from the audience. <BR> <BR> "I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," th...
Football player test
A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you...
Funeral arrangements
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. <BR> <BR> "Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside....
History of the Internet
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. <BR> Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. <BR> ...
Horse power
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. <BR> <BR> The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed B...
Hot air ballon ride
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. <BR> He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. <BR> He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? <BR> I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I ...
How many babies?
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!" <BR> <BR> "What a coincidence! I work for t...
How old am I?
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. <BR> <BR> Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. <BR> ...
Hunting in the jungle
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed. They were the only people who survived. They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything. <BR> <BR> So the next morn...
Idiot resuce
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. <BR> Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply. <BR> <BR> "Okay Rodge,"...
If you love something
If you love something, set it free. <BR> If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. <BR> If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. <BR> If, however, it just sits in your living room, <BR> messes up your stuff, <BR> eats your food...
Insurance salesman
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. <BR> <BR> "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied. <BR> "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!" <BR> <BR> "Well, we have two prospects that no one has been ...
Job interview cheat
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. <BR> <BR> Upon completion of t...
King of the jungle
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, <BR> "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" <BR> <BR> The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! <BR> <BR> Later, the lion confron...
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How old am I?
Calling in sick
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Horse power
Funeral arrangements
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Microsoft tech drafted
Don't confuse mac's with PC's
Animal football match
Prize Goat
Before it starts
Baking funeral
Panda in a bar
Octopus in the bar