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All Puns Page 10
CUSTOMER--Why do you call this electric cake
CUSTOMER--Why do you call this electric cake? BAKER'S BOY--I 'spose becuz it has currants in it. ...
CUSTOMER: You have a sign in your window 'A suit of clothes made while you wait
CUSTOMER: "You have a sign in your window, 'A suit of clothes made while you wait.' Do you really do that?" TAILOR: "Yes, sir. You leave your order, with a deposit, and then go home and wait till the garments are finished." ...
DAME RUMOR ought frequently to have her named spelled without the e
DAME RUMOR ought frequently to have her named spelled without the e. ...
Dear said the physician's wife when can you let me have ten dollars
"Dear," said the physician's wife, "when can you let me have ten dollars?" "Well," replied the medical man. "I hope to cash a draft shortly." "Cash a draft? What draft?" "The one I saw old Jenkins sitting in this morning." ...
Dearest she murmured I'm so afraid you'll change
"Dearest," she murmured, "I'm so afraid you'll change." "Darling," he answered, "you'll never find any change about me." ...
Dearest whispered Cordelia after she had captured the coveted solitaire I have a confession to make
"Dearest," whispered Cordelia, after she had captured the coveted solitaire, "I have a confession to make. I am a cooking school graduate." Clarence shuddered. "Oh, well," he rejoined, after the manner of one resigned to his fate, "we can bo...
DICK--Do you think you'll have much trouble in popping the question
DICK--"Do you think you'll have much trouble in popping the question?" TOM--"No, I think I'll have more trouble in questioning the pop." ...
Did any of you ever see an elephant's skin
"Did any of you ever see an elephant's skin?" inquired a teacher of a class of youths. "I have," exclaimed one. "Where?" asked the teacher. "On the elephant," replied the boy. ...
Did the fisherman have frog's legs Bridget
"Did the fisherman have frog's legs, Bridget?" "Sure I couldn't see, mum; he had his pants on." ...
Did the minister say anything comforting
"Did the minister say anything comforting?" asked the neighbor of the widow recently bereaved. "Indeed, he didn't," was the quick reply. "He said my husband was better off." ...
Did you ever catch your husband flirting
"Did you ever catch your husband flirting?" "Yes; that's the very way I did catch him." ...
Did you ever consider the case of the boy who stood on the burning deck
"Did you ever consider the case of the boy who stood on the burning deck?" "Not particularly. Why?" "Well, the game was poker and the hand had been dealt from the burning deck was a corker; so, as he didn't want to lose any chances, he--but ...
Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard
"Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard?" "Well! Well!" ...
Did you go into any of the New York restaurants
"Did you go into any of the New York restaurants?" "No. I got into what I thought was one and I heard a feller call for Saratoga chips and I knew 'twas a gamblin'-den and got out quick." ...
Did you have any trouble with black ants in Ireland Bridget
"Did you have any trouble with black ants in Ireland, Bridget?" "No, ma'am, but I had some trouble onc't with a white uncle." ...
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Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men
Charlemagne was in need of amusement
Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant
Ma what is a Panama man called
Ah
Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you
Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia
MRS
Least Viewed
What's the matter here
MRS
How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed
When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter
Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry
To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush
'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide
An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY