A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home
A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home. "Oh, please don't do it, Harry," she said. "You know father doesn't want you hanging around here." ... A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke
A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke. ... A dude from St
A dude from St. Louis named Crute Had a habit of saying, "Oh, shoot!" He said it one day To a man in Ouray, And that was the finish of Crute. ... A farmer once called his cow Zephyr She seemed such an amiable hephyr
A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr," She seemed such an amiable hephyr. When the farmer drew near, She kicked off his ear, And now the old farmer's much dephyr. ... A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called Vaccine
A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called "Vaccine." It ought to take. ... A husband and wife are considered one but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill
A husband and wife are considered one, but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill. ... A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice and remarked to a friend pointing to the salt: Now that's true benevolence
A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice, and remarked to a friend, pointing to the salt: "Now, that's true benevolence." "No, it ain't," said the boy, somewhat indignant, "it's salt." ... A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: Mary have you any 'coppers' down there
A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: "Mary, have you any 'coppers' down there?" "Yes, mum, I've two; but if you please, mum, they're both me cousins," was the unexpected reply. ... A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts
A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid, "Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts?" "I'm not sure, ma'am," replied the careful domestic, "but I think they are in the wash." ... A little burn makes a big smart sometimes
A little burn makes a big smart sometimes. But even a big burn could not make some people smart. ... A Maine dealer says he has sold more skates this season than he has ever sold before in an entire season
"A Maine dealer says he has sold more skates this season than he has ever sold before in an entire season." "That proves what I have contended right along." "What's that?" "That prohibition does not prohibit." ... A man and his bride by the parson were tied And when the performance was done Alas
A man and his bride by the parson were tied, And when the performance was done, "Alas!" exclaimed he, examining his fee, "I add one to one and make one." ... A man aroused his wife from a sound sleep the other night saying that he had seen a ghost in the shape of a donkey
A man aroused his wife from a sound sleep, the other night, saying that he had seen a ghost in the shape of a donkey. "Oh! let me sleep," the irate dame rejoined, "and don't be frightened at your own shadow." ... A man at the hotel wanted to bet that Corbett would knock out Jeffries
"A man at the hotel wanted to bet that Corbett would knock out Jeffries." "Who took him up?" "The elevator boy, I think." ... A man stole a harness the other day and never left a trace
A man stole a harness the other day and never left a trace. ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY