A man wanted a ticket to New York and only had a $2 bill
A man wanted a ticket to New York, and only had a $2 bill. It required $3 to get the ticket. He took the $2 bill to a pawnshop, pawned it for $1.50. On his way back to the depot he met a friend, to whom he sold the pawn ticket for $1.50. That gave... A man who drives away customers--the cabman
A man who drives away customers--the cabman. ... A man who had not the best reputation for strict veracity died the other day and the family was greatly incensed because some well-meaning friends sent in a broken lyre as a floral tribute
A man who had not the best reputation for strict veracity died the other day, and the family was greatly incensed because some well-meaning friends sent in a broken lyre as a floral tribute. ... A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a regular beat for a bosom friend
A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a "regular beat" for a bosom friend. ... A mechanic his labor will often discard
, If the rate of his pay he dislikes: But a clock-and its case is uncommonly hard-- Will continue to work though it strikes! ... A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway
A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: "Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway." This reminds us of the oft-quoted notice put up at the ford of an Irish river: "When this board is under water the river i... A painter who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: well I came down with flying colors anyhow
A painter, who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: "well, I came down with flying colors, anyhow." ... A poacher surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe remarked as he vaulted a fence: I have no fault to find with your remarks but I object to the axe-sent
A poacher, surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe, remarked, as he vaulted a fence: "I have no fault to find with your remarks, but I object to the axe-sent." ... A prominent man called to condone with a lady on the death of her husband and concluded by saying Did he leave you much
A prominent man called to condone with a lady on the death of her husband, and concluded by saying, "Did he leave you much?" "Nearly every night," was the reply. ... A queen was she--the beautiful maid-- Beauty or wealth she did not lack-- But the game was euchre that Cupid played And the Queen was won by a Jack
A queen was she--the beautiful maid-- Beauty or wealth she did not lack-- But the game was euchre that Cupid played, And the Queen was won by a Jack. ... A recent school examination in England elicited the following definitions: Noah's wife wrote one boy was called Joan of Arc
A recent school examination in England elicited the following definitions: "Noah's wife," wrote one boy, "was called Joan of Arc." "Water," wrote another, "is composed of two gases, oxygen and cambrigen." "Lava," replied a third youth, "is what... A simple old farmer McVeagh Whom every one said was a jeagh Fell in with a man On the confidence plan And now he is back making heagh
A simple old farmer, McVeagh, Whom every one said was a jeagh, Fell in with a man On the confidence plan, And now he is back making heagh. ... A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse
A sporty young fellow named Phipps Last night went to view the eclipse. The moon looked so queer. He set up a cheer, The truth was he'd been taking nips. ... A squall on the sea is a stress of weather and a squaller on land is a songstress
A squall on the sea is a stress of weather, and a squaller on land is a songstress. ... A teacher in a high school asked a little wad of an Irish boy to describe a lake
A teacher in a high school asked a little wad of an Irish boy to describe a lake. "Sure and it is hole in the kettle." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY