You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water
"You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water." "Why not?" "You'll ruin the coat of your stomach." "Oh, well-it's an old coat, anyhow." ... You treat me cried Mrs
"You treat me," cried Mrs. Peck, "as though I was a monkey!" "Oh, no!" responded H. Peck, "One can train monkeys." ... You want a divorce from your wife do you
"You want a divorce from your wife, do you?" "Yes, sir, I do." "What grounds?" "Incompatability. She and the cook are quarreling continually." ... You were thrown out
"You were thrown out?" remarked the ash barrel. "That's what you get for being crooked." "The crookedness, is not my fault," said the nail. "I was driven to it by a woman." ... Young ladies who feel anxious to preserve the most symmetrical anatomical proportions should never be in a hurry
"Young ladies who feel anxious to preserve the most symmetrical anatomical proportions, should never be in a hurry. They should remember that 'haste' makes waist." ... YOUNG M
YOUNG M.D.--That jig is up. OLD M.D.--What do you mean? YOUNG M.D.--That fellow with St. Vitus's dance died this morning. ... Young man don't you know you ought to lay something by for a rainy day
"Young man, don't you know you ought to lay something by for a rainy day?" "I do; my rubbers." ... Your father has a strong box at home hasn't he Willie said the teacher
"Your father has a strong box at home, hasn't he, Willie," said the teacher. "Yes'm," replied Willie; "the one he keeps the limburger in." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY