He's a professional grafter
"He's a professional grafter."
"Who?"
"The nurseryman."
More
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He always kneeled before the maid
And kissed her finger tips;
But he lost out
He always kneeled before the maid And kissed her finger tips; But he lost out. Another man Came by and kissed her lips. ... He called her an angel before they were wed But that alas
He called her an angel before they were wed, But that, alas! didn't endure. For ere many months had passed over his head, He wished that she was one for sure. ... He dined not wisely but too well-- Hence all his ills; And nothing now agrees with him Excepting pills
He dined, not wisely, but too well-- Hence all his ills; And nothing now agrees with him, Excepting pills. ... He has none of the finer sensibilities nothing to distinguish him from the common herd
"He has none of the finer sensibilities, nothing to distinguish him from the common herd." "No?" "No, sir. I've heard him confess, out of his own mouth, that all autos smell alike to him."--Puck. ... He kissed her on the cheek; It seemed a harmless frolic; He's been laid up a week-- They say with painter's colic
He kissed her on the cheek; It seemed a harmless frolic; He's been laid up a week-- They say, with painter's colic. ... He said to her: You're just a bird
He said to her: "You're just a bird!" "Then, Johnnie, dear," said she, "If all is true that I have heard, A bottle goes with me." ... He seems to have gone to the bad completely
"He seems to have gone to the bad completely." "Yes; I believe he found himself between the devil and the deep sea, and he realized that he couldn't swim." ... He used to send her roses; He sent them every hour But now they're married and he sends Her home a cauliflower
He used to send her roses; He sent them every hour, But now they're married and he sends Her home a cauliflower. ... He was a genial smiling man And fond of whisky plain But when he joined the temperance club He never smiled again
He was a genial, smiling man And fond of whisky plain, But when he joined the temperance club, He never smiled again. ... He went on a lark So his wife did remark And some angry words too did she mutter
He went on a lark, So his wife did remark, And some angry words, too, did she mutter. On a lark he went out, Of that fact there's no doubt, But he came in, alas! on a shutter. ... He who courts and goes away May court again another day; But he who weds and courts girls still May go to court against his will
He who courts and goes away, May court again another day; But he who weds and courts girls still May go to court against his will. ... He's a professional grafter
"He's a professional grafter." "Who?" "The nurseryman." ... He's quite a star as an after dinner speaker isn't he
"He's quite a star as an after dinner speaker, isn't he?" "Star? He's a regular moon. He becomes brighter the fuller he gets." ... HE--Did you ever see anything at so-called bargain sales that was really cheap
HE--Did you ever see anything at so-called bargain sales that was really cheap? SHE--Yes; the look on the man's face who accompanied his wife to one of them. ... HE--Didn't you promise to love honor and obey me
HE--"Didn't you promise to love, honor and obey me?" SHE--"Heaven only knows what I promised. I was listening to hear what you promised." ... HE--Don't you think Miss Plainly is the very image of her mother
HE--Don't you think Miss Plainly is the very image of her mother? SHE--Yes, indeed; the resemblance is something awful. ... HE--How does it happen that none of you women have come forward with a new currency plan
HE--How does it happen that none of you women have come forward with a new currency plan? SHE--Oh, we already have a perfect one. When we need currency we just sit down and cry for it. ... HE--I saw you out driving yesterday with a gentleman
HE--"I saw you out driving yesterday with a gentleman. He appeared to have only one arm; is that all he has?" SHE--"Oh, no; the other arm was around somewhere." ... HE--I'll go to-morrow and buy a diamond engagement ring
HE--I'll go to-morrow and buy a diamond engagement ring. SHE--Now, George, for the first time your talk has the true ring in it. ... HE--The bride looks radiant as brides usually do
HE--The bride looks radiant, as brides usually do. SHE--Yes, but the bridegroom appears rather run down. HE--Run down eh? That's just it; caught after a long chase. ... HE--The fact is you women make fools of the men
HE--"The fact is, you women make fools of the men." SHE--"Sometimes, perhaps; but sometimes we don't have to." ... HE--Then I am to understand that you have given me the mitten as it were
HE--Then I am to understand that you have given me the mitten, as it were? SHE--You have said it. HE--And is this all? SHE--Of course it is. What more do you want--a pair of socks? ...