The father of a school boy in New York City wrote to the boy's teacher a

letter of complaint. Possibly he welcomed the advent of

prohibition--possibly not! Anyhow, the letter was as follows:

"Sir: Will you please for the future give my boy some eesier somes to do

at nites. This is what he brought home to me three nites ago. If fore

gallins of bere will fill thirty to pint bottles, how many pint and half

ttles will nine gallins fill? Well, we tried and could make nothing of

it all, and my boy cried and said he wouldn't go back to school without

doing it. So, I had to go and buy a nine gallin' keg of bere, which I

could ill afford to do, and then we went and borrowed a lot of wine and

brandy bottles, beside a few we had by us. Well we emptied the keg into

the bottles, and there was nineteen, and my boy put that down for an

answer. I don't know whether it is rite or not, as we spilt some in

doing it.

P. S.--Please let the next one be water as I am not able to buy any more


* * *

The new soda clerk was a mystery, until he himself revealed his shameful

past quite unconsciously by the question he put to the girl who had just

asked for an egg-shake.

"Light or dark?" he asked mechanically.