Extravagance
A rich and listless lady patron examined the handbags in a leading
jeweler's shop in New York City. The clerk exhibited one bag five inches
square, made of platinum and with one side almost covered with a setting
of diamonds. This was offered at a price of $9,000.
But the lady surveyed the expensive bauble without enthusiasm. She
turned it from side to side and over and over, regarding it with a
critical eye and frowning disapprovingly. At last she voiced her
comment:
"Rather pretty, but I don't like this side without diamonds. Honestly,
the thing looks skimpy--decidedly skimpy!"
For $7,000 additional, the objectional skimpiness was corrected.
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Economy
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An Irishman on a scaffolding four stories high heard the noon whistle. But when he would have descended, he found that the ladder had been removed. One of his fellow workmen on the pavement below, to whom he called, explained that the foreman had ca... Expense Account
The woman wrote a reference for her discharged cook as follows: "Maggie Flynn has been employed by me for a month. She is an excellent cook, but I could not afford to make use of her services longer." The husband, who was present, afterward expr... Experience
The baby pulled brother's hair until he yelled from the pain of it. The mother soothed the weeping boy: "Of course, she doesn't know how badly it hurts." Then she left the room. She hurried back presently on hearing frantic squalling from baby.... Experts
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On her return home after an absence of a few hours, the mother was displeased to find that little Emma, who was ailing, had not taken her pill at the appointed time, although she had been carefully directed to do so. "You were very naughty, Emma,... Extravagance
A rich and listless lady patron examined the handbags in a leading jeweler's shop in New York City. The clerk exhibited one bag five inches square, made of platinum and with one side almost covered with a setting of diamonds. This was offered at a p... Facts
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After years of endeavor in poverty, the inventor made a success, and came running home with pockets bulging real money. He joyously strewed thousand-dollar bills in his wife's lap, crying: "Now, at last, my dear, you will be able to buy you some d... Favors
At the village store, the young farmer complained bitterly. "Old Si Durfee wants me to be one of the pall-bearers once more at his wife's funeral. An' it's like this. Si had me fer pall-bearer when his first wife was buried. An' then agin fer his ... Femininity
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_Nurse:_ "You were very naughty in church, Guy. Do you know where little boys and girls go to who don't put their pennies in the collection box?" _Guy:_ "Yes, nurse; to the pictures." * * * ... Finance
A very black little girl made her way into the presence of the lady of the house, and with much embarrassment, but very clearly, explained who she was, and what her mission: "Please, mum, I'se Ophelia. I'se de washerwoman's little girl, an' mama, ... Financiers
"My pa, he's a financier," boasted one small boy to another. "'Tain't much to brag of," the other sneered. "My pa an' uncle Jack are in jail, too." ... Fishing
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An eminent statesman was being driven rapidly by his chauffeur, when the car struck and killed a dog that leaped in front of it. At the statesman's order, the chauffeur stopped the car, and the great man got out and hurried back to where a woman was... Fleas
The debutante was alarmed over the prospect of being taken in to dinner by the distinguished statesman. "Whatever can we talk about?" she demanded anxiously of her mother. Afterward, in the drawing-room, she came to her mother with a radiant sm... Flirtation
The gentleman at the party, who was old enough to know better, turned to another guest, who had just paused beside him: "Women are fickle. See that pretty woman by the window? She was smiling at me flirtatiously a few minutes ago and now she looks... Flood
The breakfaster in the cheap restaurant tried to make conversation with the man beside him at the counter. "Awful rainy spell--like the flood." "The flood?" The tone was polite, but inquiring. "_The_ flood--Noah, the Ark, Mount Ararat." Th... Flowers
Gilbert wrote a couplet concerning-- "An attachment _à la_ Plato For a bashful young potato." Such suggestion is all very well in a humorous ballad, but we do not look for anything of the sort in a serious romance of real life. ...