Food
The Arctic explorer at a reception on his return gave an informal talk
concerning his experiences. He explained that a point further north
would have been reached, if the dogs had not given out at a critical
time.
A lady, who had followed the explorer's remarks carefully, ventured a
comment as the speaker paused:
"But I thought those Esquimaux dogs were actually tireless."
The explorer hesitated, and cleared his throat before answering.
"I spoke," he elucidated, "in a--er--culinary sense."
* * *
The young mother asked the man who supplied her with milk if he kept any
calves, and smiled pleasedly when he said that he did.
"Then," she continued brightly, "bring me a pint of calf's milk every
day. I think cow's milk is too strong for baby."
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Explicitness
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A wise old Quaker woman once said that men were guilty of three most astonishing follies. The first was the climbing of trees to shake down the fruit, when if they would but wait, the fruit would fall of itself. The second was the going to war to ki... Food
The Arctic explorer at a reception on his return gave an informal talk concerning his experiences. He explained that a point further north would have been reached, if the dogs had not given out at a critical time. A lady, who had followed the exp... Forehandedness
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The hired man on a New England farm went on his first trip to the city. He returned wearing a scarf pin set with at least four carats bulk of radiance. The jewelry dazzled the rural belles, and excited the envy of the other young men. His employer b... French
An American tourist in France found that he had a two hours' wait for his train at a junction, and set out to explore the neighborhood. He discovered at last that he was lost, and could not find his way back to the station. He therefore addressed a ... Friendship
The kindly lady accosted the little boy on the beach, who stood with downcast head, and grinding his toes into the sand and looking very miserable and lonely indeed. "Haven't you anybody to play with?" she inquired sympathetically. The boy shoo... From The Heart
_The Wife:_ "I have not been able to wear my new hat yet on account of the weather." _The Husband:_ "Humph! And I suppose by the time it clears up the fashion will have changed." * * * _The Reporter:_ ... Fussiness
The traveler in the Blue Ridge Mountains made his toilet as best he could with the aid of the hand basin on its bench by the cabin door and the roller towel. He made use of his own comb and brush, tooth-brush, nail-file and whiskbroom. The small son... Gender
It is quite possible to trap clergymen, as well as laymen, with the following question, because they are not always learned in the Old Testament. "If David was the father of Solomon, and Joab was the son of Zeruiah, what relation was Zeruiah to J... Gentleman
There has been much controversy for years as to the proper definition of the much abused word "gentleman." Finally, by a printer's error in prefixing _un_ to an adverb, an old and rather mushy description of a gentleman has been given a novel twist ... Geography
The airman, after many hours of thick weather, had lost his bearings completely. Then it cleared and he was able to make a landing. Naturally, he was anxious to know in what part of the world he had arrived. He put the question to the group of rusti... Getting Back
_Customer to Palmist:_ "Five dollars fee? Er--would you have any objection to waiting until I get some of the money you say is coming to me?" * * * _Betty:_ "Mummy, does God send us our food?" _Mother:... Getting Even
_Mrs. Lynks:_ "Jack, I have made up my mind to fine you ten cents every time you swear." _Mr. Lynks:_ "That's a bargain, if you'll give me ten cents every time you envy me for being able to." * * * ... Getting On
_Old Gentleman:_ "Well, children! and what are you learning at school?" _Small Boy:_ "Oh, she's learning to make paper dolls and I'm learning to knock spots out of Willie Jones." * * * ... Getting Reckless
_She:_ "I'm surprised at Jane's staying out in the boat all this time with a comparative stranger. A woman of thirty is old enough to know better." _He:_ "Aren't you afraid she is _too old_ to know better?" * *... Ghosts
There was a haunted house down South which was carefully avoided by all the superstitious negroes. But a new arrival in the community, named Sam, bragged of his bravery as too superior to be shaken by any ghosts, and declared that, for the small sum... God's Will
The clergyman was calling, when the youthful son and heir approached his mother proudly, and exhibited a dead rat. As she shrank in repugnance, he attempted to reassure her: "Oh, it's dead all right, mama. We beat it and beat it and beat it, and ...