Politeness

The little girl in the car was a pest. She crossed the aisle to devote

herself to a dignified fat man, to his great annoyance. She asked

innumerable questions, and, incidentally, counted aloud his vest buttons

to learn whether he was rich man, poor man, beggar man or thief. The

mother regarded the child's efforts as highly entertaining. The fat man

leaned forward and addressed the lady very courteously:



" adam, what do you call this dear little child?"



"Ethel," the beaming mother replied.



"Please call her then," the fat man requested.



* * *



Johnny, who was to be the guest at a neighbor's for the noonday meal,

was carefully admonished by his mother to remember his manners, and to

speak in complimentary terms of the food served him. He heeded the

instruction, and did the best he could under stress of embarrassment.



After he had tasted the soup, he remarked as boldly as he could

contrive:



"This is pretty good soup--what there is of it."



He was greatly disconcerted to observe that his remark caused a frown on

the face of his hostess. He hastened to speak again in an effort to

correct any bad impression from his previous speech:



"And there's plenty of it--such as it is."



* * *



On Johnnie's return from the birthday party, his mother expressed the

hope that he had behaved politely at the luncheon table, and properly

said, "Yes, if you please" and "No, thank you," when anything was

offered him.



Johnnie shook his head seriously.



"I guess I didn't say, 'No, thank you.' I ate everything there was."



* * *



The teacher used as an illustration of bad grammar, for correction by

the class, the following sentence:



"The horse and cow is in the pasture."



A manly little fellow raised his hand, and at the teacher's nod said:



"Please, sir, ladies should come first."



* * *



The man sitting in the street car addressed the woman standing before

him:



"You must excuse my not giving you my seat--I'm a member of the Sit

Still Club."



"Certainly, sir," the woman replied. "And please excuse my staring--I

belong to the Stand and Stare Club."



She proved it so well that the man at last sheepishly got to his feet.



"I guess, ma'am," he mumbled, "I'll resign from my club and join yours."