True Wit
TRUE wit is like the brilliant stone
Dug from Golconda's mine;
Which boasts two various powers in one,
To cut as well as shine.
Genius, like that, if polished right,
With the same gifts abounds;
Appears at once both keen and bright,
And sparkles while it wounds.
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Touching
WHEN Lord Eldon resigned the Great Seal, a small barrister said, To me his loss is irreparable. Lord Eldon always behaved to me like a father.--Yes, remarked Brougham, I understand he always treated you like a child. ... Trade Against Land
WHEN the late Mr. Whitbread's father, the brewer, first opposed the Duke of Bedford's interest at Bedford, the Duke informed him that he would spend L50,000 rather than he should come in. Whitbread, with true English spirit, replied, that was nothin... Tragedy Ms
LISTON, seeing a parcel lying on the table in the entrance-hall of Drury Lane Theatre, one side of which, from its having travelled to town by the side of some game, was smeared with blood, observed, That parcel contains a manuscript tragedy. And on... Transposing A Compliment
IT was said of a work (which had been inspected by a severe critic), in terms which at first appeared very flattering, There is a great deal in this book which is new, and a great deal that is true. So far good, the author would think; but then came... Travellers See Strange Things
A TRAVELLER, when asked whether, in his youth, he had gone through Euclid, was not quite sure, but he thought it was a small village between Wigan and Preston. ... Trophies
A FRENCH nobleman once showing Matthew Prior the palace of his master at Versailles, and desiring him to observe the many trophies of Louis the Fourteenth's victories, asked Prior if King William, his master, had many such trophies in his palace. No... True And False
A BEGGAR asking alms under the name of a poor scholar, a gentleman to whom he applied himself, asked him a question in, Latin. The fellow, shaking his head, said he did not understand him. Why, said the gentleman, did you not say you were a poor sch... True Criticism
A GENTLEMAN being prevailed upon to taste a lady's home-made wine, was asked for an opinion of what he had tasted. I always give a candid one, said her guest, where eating and drinking are concerned. It is admirable stuff to catch flies. ... True Dignity
P---- had a high respect for the literary character. At a great man's house a stranger stopped that P---- might enter the room before him. Pass, sir, said the master of the house, it is only Mr. P----, the author.--As my rank is mentioned, cried P.,... True Evidence
A JEW called on to justify bail in the Court of Common Pleas, the opposing counsel thus examined him: What is your name?--Jacob.--What are you?--General dealer.--Do you keep a shop?--No.--How then do you dispose of your goods?--To the best advantage... True Of Both
I SWEAR, said a gentleman to his mistress, you are very handsome.--Pooh! said the lady, so you would say if you did not think so.--And so you would think, answered he, though I should not say so. ... True Philosophy
LE SAGE, the author of Gil Blas, said, to console himself for his deafness, with his usual humor, When I go into a company where I find a great number of blockheads and babblers, I replace my trumpet in my pocket, and cry, 'Now, gentlemen, I defy yo... True Politeness
SIR W.G., when governor of Williamsburg, returned the salute of a negro who was passing. Sir, said a gentleman present, do you descend to salute a slave?--Why, yes, replied the governor; I cannot suffer a man of his condition to exceed me in good ma... True To The Letter
IT may be all very well to say that the office of a tax-gatherer needs no great ability for the fulfilment of its duties, but there is no employment which requires such constant application. ... True Wit
TRUE wit is like the brilliant stone Dug from Golconda's mine; Which boasts two various powers in one, To cut as well as shine. Genius, like that, if polished right, With the same gifts abounds; Appears at once b... Truth And Fiction
A TRAVELLER relating his adventures, told the company that he and his servants had made fifty wild Arabs run; which startling them, he observed, that there was no great matter in it,--For, says he, we ran, and they ran after us. ... Truth And Rhyme
IN the days of Charles II., candidates for holy orders were expected to respond in Latin to the various interrogatories put to them by the bishop or his examining chaplain. When the celebrated Dr. Isaac Barrow (who was fellow of Trinity College, and... Truth Not Always To Be Spoken
IF a man were to set out calling everything by its right name, he would be knocked down before he got to the corner of the street. ... Truth Not To Be Spoken At All Times
GARRICK was on a visit at Hagley, when news came that a company of players were going to perform at Birmingham. Lord Lyttelton said to Garrick, They will hear you are in the neighborhood, and will ask you to write an address to the Birmingham audien... Truth _versus_ Politeness
AT a tea-party, where some Cantabs were present, the lady who was presiding Hoped the tea was good.--Very good, indeed, madam, was the general reply, till it came to the turn of one of the Cantabs, who, between truth and politeness observed, That th... Trying To The Temper
LORD ALLEN, in conversation with Rogers, the poet, observed: I never put my razor into hot water, as I find it injures the temper of the blade.--No doubt of it, replied Rogers; show me the blade that is not out of temper when plunged into hot water.... Twice Ruined
I NEVER was ruined but twice, said a wit; once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one. ... Two Carriages
TWO ladies disputed for precedency, one the daughter of a wealthy brewer, the other the daughter of a gentleman of small fortune. You are to consider, miss, said the brewer's daughter, that my papa keeps a coach.--Very true, miss, said the other, an... Two Cures For Ague
BISHOP BLOMFIELD, when presiding over the diocese of London, had occasion to call the attention of the Essex incumbents to the necessity of residing in their parishes; and he reminded them that curates were, after all, of the same flesh and blood as... Two Make A Pair
SOON after the attack of Margaret Nicholson on the life of George III., the following bill was stuck up in the window of an obscure alehouse: Here is to be seen the fork belonging to the knife with which Margaret Nicholson attempted to stab the King... Two Of A Trade
WHEN Bannister was asked his opinion of a new singer that had appeared at Covent Garden, Why, said Charles, he may be Robin Hood this season, but he will be robbing Harris (the manager) the next. ... Two Sides To A Speech
CHARLES LAMB sitting next some chattering woman at dinner, observing he didn't attend to her, You don't seem, said the lady, to be at all the better for what I am saying to you!--No, ma'am, he answered, but this gentleman on the other side of me mus... Twofold Illustration
SIR FLETCHER NORTON was noted for his want of courtesy. When pleading before Lord Mansfield on some question of manorial right, he chanced unfortunately to say, My lord, I can illustrate the point in an instant in my own person: I myself have two li...