A Trump Card
AT one of the Holland-house Sunday dinner-parties, a year or two ago,
Crockford's Club, then forming, was talked of; and the noble hostess
observed, that the female passion for diamonds was surely less ruinous
than the rage for play among men. In short, you think, said Mr.
Rogers, that clubs are worse than diamonds. This joke excited a
laugh; and when it had subsided, Sydney Smith wrote the following
impromptu sermonet--most appropriately on a card:--
Thoughtless that all that's brightest fades,
Unmindful of that Knave of Spades,
The Sexton and his Subs:
How foolishly we play our parts!
Our wives on diamonds set their hearts,
We set our hearts on clubs!
More
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A Sudden Change
ONE drinking some beer at a petty ale-house in the country, which was very strong of the hops and hardly any taste of the malt, was asked by the landlord, if it was not well hopped. Yes, answered he, if it had hopped a little farther, it would have ... A Suggestive Pair Of Grays
JERROLD was enjoying a drive one day with a well-known,--a jovial spendthrift. Well, Jerrold, said the driver of a very fine pair of grays, what do you think of my grays? To tell you the truth, Jerrold replied, I was just thinking of your duns... A Suggestive Present
JERROLD and a company of literary friends were out in the country. In the course of their walk, they stopped to notice the gambols of an ass's foal. A very sentimental poet present vowed that he should like to send the little thing as a present to h... A Suggestive Question
DOUGLAS JERROLD, discussing one day with Mr. Selby, the vexed question of adapting dramatic pieces from the French, that gentleman insisted upon claiming some of his characters as strictly original creations. Do you remember my Baroness in Ask no Qu... A Superfluous Scraper
FOOTE, being annoyed by a poor fiddler straining harsh discord under his window, sent him out a shilling, with a request that he would play elsewhere, as one scraper at the door was sufficient. ... A Sure Take
AN old sportsman, who, at the age of eighty-three, was met by a friend riding very fast, and was asked what he was in pursuit of? Why, sir, replied the other, I am riding after my eighty-fourth year. ... A Syllabic Difference
GIBBON, the historian, was one day attending the trial of Warren Hastings in Westminster Hall, and Sheridan, having perceived him there, took occasion to mention the luminous author of The Decline and Fall. After he had finished, one of his friends ... A Symbol
A SATIRIC poet underwent a severe drubbing, and was observed to walk ever afterwards with a stick. Mr. P. reminds me, says a wag, of some of the saints, who are always painted with the symbols of their martyrdom. ... A Taste Of Marriage
A GENTLEMAN described to Jerrold the bride of a mutual friend. Why, he is six foot high, and she is the shortest woman I ever saw. What taste, eh? Ay, Jerrold replied, and only a taste! ... A Tavern Dinner
A PARTY of bon-vivants, having drunk an immense quantity of wine, rang for the bill. The bill was accordingly brought, but the amount appeared so enormous to one of the company (not quite so far gone as the rest) that he stammered out, it was imposs... A Tender Suggestion
A BEGGAR in Dublin had been long besieging an old, gouty, testy gentleman, who roughly refused to relieve him. The mendicant civilly replied, I wish your honor's heart was as tender as your toes. ... A Terrible Possibility
AN acquaintance remarked to Dr. Robert South, the celebrated preacher at the court of Charles the Second, Ah! doctor, you are such a wit! The doctor replied, Don't make game of people's infirmities: you, sir, might have been born a wit! ... A Ticklish Opening
HENRY ERSKINE happening to be retained for a client of the name of Tickle, began his speech in opening the case, thus: Tickle, my client, the defendant, my lord,--and upon proceeding so far was interrupted by laughter in court, which was increased w... A Timely Reproof
A YOUNG chaplain had preached a sermon of great length. Sir, said Lord Mulgrave, bowing to him, there were some things in your sermon of to-day I never heard before.--O, my lord! said the flattered chaplain, it is a common text, and I could not have... A Transformation Scene
SIR B---- R----, in one of the debates on the question of the Union, made a speech in favor of it, which he concluded by saying, That it would change the barren hills into fruitful valleys. ... A Transporting Subject
THE subject for the Chancellor's English Prize Poem, for the year 1823, was Australasia (New Holland). This happened to be the subject of conversation at a party of Johnians, when, some observing that they thought it a bad subject, one of the party ... A True Courtier
ONE day, when Sir Isaac Heard was in company with George III., it was announced that his majesty's horse was ready for hunting. Sir Isaac, said the king, are you a judge of horses?--In my younger days, please your majesty, I was a great deal among t... A True Joke
A MAN having been capitally convicted at the Old Bailey, was, as usual, asked what he had to say why judgment of death should not pass against him? Say! replied he, why, I think the joke has been carried far enough already, and the less that is said... A Trump Card
AT one of the Holland-house Sunday dinner-parties, a year or two ago, Crockford's Club, then forming, was talked of; and the noble hostess observed, that the female passion for diamonds was surely less ruinous than the rage for play among men. In sh... A Truth For The Ladies
A LEARNED doctor has given his opinion that tight lacing is a public benefit, inasmuch as it kills off all the foolish girls, and leaves the wise only to grow into women. ... A Typographical Transfer
THE editor of the Evangelical Observer, in reference to a certain person, took occasion to write that he was rectus in ecclesia, i.e., in good standing in the church. The compositor, in the editor's absence, converted it into rectus in culina, which... A Useful Ally
Cracked China mended! Zounds, man, off this minute! There's work for you, or else the deuce is in it! ... A Utilitarian Inquiry
JAMES SMITH one night took old Mr. Twiss to hear Mathews in his At Home, to the whole of which the mathematician gave devoted attention. At the close, Mr. Smith asked him whether he had not been surprised and pleased. Both, replied Mr. Twiss, but wh... A Vain Search
SIR FRANCIS BLAKE DELAVAL'S death had such an effect on Foote that he burst into tears, retired to his room, and saw no company for two days; the third day, Jewel, his treasurer, calling in upon him, he asked him, with swollen eyes, what time would ... A Vain Threat
MR. BROWN, I owe you a grudge, remember that!--I shall not be frightened then, for I never knew you to pay anything that you owe. ... A Valuable Beaver
A GRAND entertainment taking place at Belvoir Castle, on the occasion of the coming of age of the Marquis of Granby, the company were going out to see the fireworks, when Theodore Hook came in great tribulation to the Duke of Rutland, who was standi... A Voluminous Speaker
A WELL-KNOWN lawyer, Mr. Marryatt, who declared he had never opened any book after he left school but a law book, once told a jury, when speaking of a chimney on fire: Gentlemen, the chimney took fire; it poured forth volumes of smoke! Volumes, did ... A Walking Stick
AN old gentleman accused his servant of having stolen his stick. The man protested perfect innocence. Why, you know, rejoined his master, that the stick could never have walked off with itself.--Certainly not, sir, unless it was a walking-stick. ... A Warm Man
A MAN with a scolding wife, being asked what his occupation was, replied that he kept a hot-house. ... A Weak Woman
A LOVING husband once waited on a physician to request him to prescribe for his wife's eyes, which were very sore. Let her wash them, said the doctor, every morning with a small glass of brandy. A few weeks after, the doctor chanced to meet the husb... A Wide Difference
ROWLAND HILL rode a great deal, and exercise preserved him in vigorous health. On one occasion, when asked by a medical friend what physician and apothecary he employed, to be always so well, he replied, My physician has always been a horse, and my ... A Wide-awake Minister
LORD NORTH'S good humor and readiness were of admirable service to him when the invectives of his opponents would have discomforted a graver minister. He frequently indulged in a real or seeming slumber. On one occasion, an opposition debater, suppo... A Wife At Forty
MY notion of a wife at forty, said Jerrold, is, that a man should be able to change her, like a bank-note, for two twenties. ... A Will And Away
IT was a strange instance of alleged obedience to orders in the case of a father's will, which a brute of a fellow displayed in turning his younger brother out-of-doors. He was vociferously remonstrated with by the neighbors on the gross impropriety... A Windy Minister
IN one of our northern counties, a rural district had its harvest operations seriously affected by continuous rains. The crops being much laid, wind was desired in order to restore them to a condition fit for the sickle. A minister, in his Sabbath s... A Winner At Cards
A GENTLEMAN riding one day near Richmond, observed a house delightfully situated, and asking his companion to whom it belonged, was answered, To a card-maker.--Upon my life, he replied, one would imagine all that man's cards must have been trumps. ...