Animal football match
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown. <BR> <BR> Then came the second half...... Asylum fence
A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" <BR> <BR> He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but won... Baby Turtle
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On... Baking funeral
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.... Before it starts
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!" <BR> <BR> The wife sighs and gets him a beer. <BR> <BR> Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me anot... Bilingual Dog
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." <BR> <BR> Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 ... Black Magic
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. <BR> <BR> A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When ... Blind pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. <BR> <BR> The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpi... Calling in sick
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. <BR> <BR> One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator h... Cat on the roof
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." <BR> The man... Child custody
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. <BR> <BR> The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.... Commercial misfortune
This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof"... Computer class fun
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. <BR> <BR> A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for t... Cough cure
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. <BR> <BR> Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. <BR> <BR> Just then a... Dinosaur theory
OK, let's consider the physical evidence. <BR> <BR> The moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the Earth every year. <BR> <BR> Do the math and you will clearly see that 85 million years ago it was orbiting the earth at a dist...

How old am I? Calling in sick The chastity belt Cat on the roof Blind pilots Romantic food Horse power Funeral arrangements

Microsoft tech drafted Don't confuse mac's with PC's Animal football match Prize Goat Before it starts Baking funeral Panda in a bar Octopus in the bar