Lie For Lie
TWO gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed by them, one
said, There goes the handsomest woman you ever saw. She turned back,
and, seeing him very ugly, said, I wish I could, in return, say as much
of you.--So you may, madam, said he, and lie as I did.
More
-
Late And Early
THE regular routine of clerkly business ill suited the literary tastes and the wayward habits of Charles Lamb. Once, at the India House, a superior said to him, I have remarked, Mr. Lamb, that you come very late to the office.--Yes, sir, replied the... Late Dinner
SOME one remarking that the dinner hour was always getting later and later, Ay, quoth Rogers, it will soon end in our not dining till to-morrow. ... Latimer
THE pious and learned martyr, and Bishop of Worcester, who was educated at Christ College, Cambridge, and was one of the first reformers of the Church of England, at a controversial conference, being out-talked by younger divines, and out-argued by ... Law And Physic
A LEARNED judge being asked the difference between law and equity courts, replied, At common law you are done for at once: at equity, you are not so easily disposed of. One is prussic acid, and the other laudanum. ... Law And Physic
WHEN Dr. H. and Sergeant A. were walking arm-in-arm, a wag said to a friend, These two are just equal to one highwayman.--Why? was the response. Because it is a lawyer and a doctor--your money or your life. ... Law And The Scottish Thane
DURING the representation of Macbeth, an eminent special pleader graced the boxes of Drury Lane Theatre, to see it performed. When the hero questions the Witches, as to what they are doing: they answer, a deed without a name. Our counsellor, whose a... Lawyer's House
THE lawyer's house, if I have rightly read, Is built upon the fool or madman's head. ... Leaving His Verdict
I REMEMBER, says Lord Biden, Mr. Justice Gould trying a case at York, and when he had proceeded for about two hours, he observed, 'Here are only eleven jurymen in the box, where is the twelfth?'--'Please you, my lord,' said one of the eleven, 'he ha... Leg Wit
ONE night Erskine was hastening out of the House of Commons, when he was stopped by a member going in, who accosted him, Who's up, Erskine?--Windham, was the reply. What's he on?--His legs, answered the wit. ... Legal Adulteration
SEVERAL publicans being assembled at Malton, in Yorkshire, in order to renew their licenses to retail beer, the worthy magistrate addressed one of them (an old woman), and said he trusted she did not put any pernicious ingredients into the liquor; t... Legal Extravagance
HURRAH! Hurrah! cried a young lawyer, who had succeeded to his father's practice, I've settled that old chancery suit at last.--Settled it! cried the astonished parent, why I gave you that as an annuity for your life. ... Liberal Gift
A COMEDIAN at Covent Garden advised one of the scene-shifters, who had met with an accident, to try a subscription; and a few days afterwards he asked for the list of names, which, when he had read over, he returned. Why, sir, says the poor fellow, ... Licensed To Kill
WHEN an inferior actor at the Haymarket once took off David Garrick, Foote limped from the boxes to the green-room, and severely rated him for his impudence. Why, sir, said the fellow, you take him off every day, and why may not I?--Because, replied... Lie For Lie
TWO gentlemen standing together, as a young lady passed by them, one said, There goes the handsomest woman you ever saw. She turned back, and, seeing him very ugly, said, I wish I could, in return, say as much of you.--So you may, madam, said he, an... Light Bread
A BAKER has invented a new kind of yeast. It makes bread so light that a pound of it weighs only twelve ounces. ... Light-headed
DR. BURNEY, who wrote the celebrated anagram on Lord Nelson, after his victory of the Nile, Honor est a Nilo (Horatio Nelson), was shortly after on a visit to his lordship, at his beautiful villa at Merton. From his usual absence of mind, he neglect... Lincoln's-inn Dinners
ON the evening of the coronation-day of our gracious Queen, the Benchers of Lincoln's Inn gave the students a feed; when a certain profane wag, in giving out a verse of the National Anthem, which he was solicited to lead in a solo, took that opportu... Lines To O'keefe
(Said to be written by Peter Pindar.) THEY say, O'Keefe, Thou art a thief, That half thy works are stolen or more; I say O'Keefe, Thou art no thief, Such stuff was never writ before! ... Lingual Infection
A FASHIONABLE Irish gentleman, driving a good deal about Cheltenham, was observed to have the not very graceful habit of lolling his tongue out as he went along. Curran, who was there, was asked what he thought could be his countryman's motive for g... Liquid Remedy For Baldness
USE brandy externally until the hair grows, and then take it internally to clinch the roots. ... Liston's Dream
AS Liston lay wrapt in delicious repose, Most harmoniously playing a tune with his nose, In a dream there appeared the adorable Venus, Who said, To be sure there's no likeness between us; Yet to show a celestial to kindness so p... Literary Pastime
ONCE a gentleman, who had the marvellous gift of shaping a great many things out of orange-peel, was displaying his abilities at a dinner-party before Theodore Hook and Mr. Thomas Hill, and succeeded in counterfeiting a pig. Mr. Hill tried the same ... Little To Give
A STINGY husband threw off the blame of the rudeness of his children in company, by saying that his wife always Gives them their own way.--Poor things! was the prompt response, it's all I have to give them. ... Long Ago
A LADY, who was very submissive and modest before marriage, was observed by a friend to use her tongue pretty freely after. There was a time, he remarked, when I almost imagined she had no tongue.--Yes, said the husband, with a sigh, but it's very v... Long Story
A LOQUACIOUS lady, ill of a complaint of forty years' standing, applied to Mr. Abernethy for advice, and had begun to describe its progress from the first, when Mr. A. interrupted her, saying he wanted to go into the next street, to see a patient; h... Look In His Face
ADMIRAL LORD HOWE, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on fire near the magazine. If that be the case, said he, rising leisurely...