A man and his bride by the parson were tied And when the performance was done Alas
A man and his bride by the parson were tied,
And when the performance was done,
"Alas!" exclaimed he, examining his fee,
"I add one to one and make one."
More
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A cement maker advertises that his cement is strong enough to
mend the break of day
A cement maker advertises that his cement is strong enough to mend the break of day. ... A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home
A certain young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her home. "Oh, please don't do it, Harry," she said. "You know father doesn't want you hanging around here." ... A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke
A deaf and dumb mute recently went into a bicycle shop and picked up a hub and spoke. ... A dude from St
A dude from St. Louis named Crute Had a habit of saying, "Oh, shoot!" He said it one day To a man in Ouray, And that was the finish of Crute. ... A farmer once called his cow Zephyr She seemed such an amiable hephyr
A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr," She seemed such an amiable hephyr. When the farmer drew near, She kicked off his ear, And now the old farmer's much dephyr. ... A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called Vaccine
A Frankfort man has written a farce comedy called "Vaccine." It ought to take. ... A husband and wife are considered one but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill
A husband and wife are considered one, but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill. ... A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice and remarked to a friend pointing to the salt: Now that's true benevolence
A lady noticed a boy sprinkling salt on the sidewalk to take off the ice, and remarked to a friend, pointing to the salt: "Now, that's true benevolence." "No, it ain't," said the boy, somewhat indignant, "it's salt." ... A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: Mary have you any 'coppers' down there
A lady one day being in need of some small change called down-stairs to the cook and enquired: "Mary, have you any 'coppers' down there?" "Yes, mum, I've two; but if you please, mum, they're both me cousins," was the unexpected reply. ... A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts
A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid, "Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts?" "I'm not sure, ma'am," replied the careful domestic, "but I think they are in the wash." ... A little burn makes a big smart sometimes
A little burn makes a big smart sometimes. But even a big burn could not make some people smart. ... A Maine dealer says he has sold more skates this season than he has ever sold before in an entire season
"A Maine dealer says he has sold more skates this season than he has ever sold before in an entire season." "That proves what I have contended right along." "What's that?" "That prohibition does not prohibit." ... A man and his bride by the parson were tied And when the performance was done Alas
A man and his bride by the parson were tied, And when the performance was done, "Alas!" exclaimed he, examining his fee, "I add one to one and make one." ... A man aroused his wife from a sound sleep the other night saying that he had seen a ghost in the shape of a donkey
A man aroused his wife from a sound sleep, the other night, saying that he had seen a ghost in the shape of a donkey. "Oh! let me sleep," the irate dame rejoined, "and don't be frightened at your own shadow." ... A man at the hotel wanted to bet that Corbett would knock out Jeffries
"A man at the hotel wanted to bet that Corbett would knock out Jeffries." "Who took him up?" "The elevator boy, I think." ... A man stole a harness the other day and never left a trace
A man stole a harness the other day and never left a trace. ... A man wanted a ticket to New York and only had a $2 bill
A man wanted a ticket to New York, and only had a $2 bill. It required $3 to get the ticket. He took the $2 bill to a pawnshop, pawned it for $1.50. On his way back to the depot he met a friend, to whom he sold the pawn ticket for $1.50. That gave... A man who drives away customers--the cabman
A man who drives away customers--the cabman. ... A man who had not the best reputation for strict veracity died the other day and the family was greatly incensed because some well-meaning friends sent in a broken lyre as a floral tribute
A man who had not the best reputation for strict veracity died the other day, and the family was greatly incensed because some well-meaning friends sent in a broken lyre as a floral tribute. ... A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a regular beat for a bosom friend
A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a "regular beat" for a bosom friend. ... A mechanic his labor will often discard
, If the rate of his pay he dislikes: But a clock-and its case is uncommonly hard-- Will continue to work though it strikes! ... A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway
A notice at a small depot near Manchester reads: "Passengers are requested to cross over the railway by the subway." This reminds us of the oft-quoted notice put up at the ford of an Irish river: "When this board is under water the river i... A painter who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: well I came down with flying colors anyhow
A painter, who fell off a scaffold with a pot of paint in each hand said: "well, I came down with flying colors, anyhow." ... A poacher surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe remarked as he vaulted a fence: I have no fault to find with your remarks but I object to the axe-sent
A poacher, surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe, remarked, as he vaulted a fence: "I have no fault to find with your remarks, but I object to the axe-sent." ...