You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water
"You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water."
"Why not?"
"You'll ruin the coat of your stomach."
"Oh, well-it's an old coat, anyhow."
More
-
You are absolutely certain about your statement
"You are absolutely certain about your statement?" asked the lawyer. "Absolutely certain," assented the witness. "You swear that this is true?" "I do." "Would you bet on it?" "Er--well--yes, if I got the right odds." ... You are making yourself rather officious in this crowd said a burly policeman to a notorious pickpocket
"You are making yourself rather officious in this crowd," said a burly policeman to a notorious pickpocket. "I am only trying to dis-purse them," said the thief. ... You have a bad cold he said
"You have a bad cold," he said. "I have," she replied huskily. "I am so hoarse that if you attempted to kiss me I couldn't even scream." ... You have been losing flesh lately haven't you
"You have been losing flesh lately, haven't you?" "Yes, I've been shaving myself." ... You haven't a cent and yet wish to marry Miss Bilyan
"You haven't a cent, and yet wish to marry Miss Bilyan. Don't you expect her father to kick you out?" "Oh, no I intend to go before the footlights." ... You know Fatty Schultz the butcher
"You know Fatty Schultz the butcher. What do you suppose he weighs?" "I don't know, what does he weigh?" "Meat." ... You never bought a gold brick did you
"You never bought a gold brick, did you?" asked the admiring friend. "Not exactly," answered Mr. Cumrox. "But I once came mighty near having a French count for a son-in-law." ... You ought to be very proud of your wife
"You ought to be very proud of your wife. She is a brilliant talker." "You're right there." "Why, I could listen to her all night." "I have to." ... You ought to sleep well, You lie so easily
You ought to sleep well, You lie so easily! ... You own your own house don't you
"You own your own house, don't you?" "I used to." "Have you sold it?" "No, I haven't sold it." "Then how is it you don't own it?" "Well, you see, we have company most of the time." ... You say his wife's a brunette
"You say his wife's a brunette? I thought he married a blonde." "He did, but she dyed." ... You should sleep on your right side madam
"You should sleep on your right side, madam." "I really can't do it, doctor; my husband talks in his sleep, and I can't hear a thing with my left ear." ... You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water
"You shouldn't drink your whiskey without water." "Why not?" "You'll ruin the coat of your stomach." "Oh, well-it's an old coat, anyhow." ... You treat me cried Mrs
"You treat me," cried Mrs. Peck, "as though I was a monkey!" "Oh, no!" responded H. Peck, "One can train monkeys." ... You want a divorce from your wife do you
"You want a divorce from your wife, do you?" "Yes, sir, I do." "What grounds?" "Incompatability. She and the cook are quarreling continually." ... You were thrown out
"You were thrown out?" remarked the ash barrel. "That's what you get for being crooked." "The crookedness, is not my fault," said the nail. "I was driven to it by a woman." ... Young ladies who feel anxious to preserve the most symmetrical anatomical proportions should never be in a hurry
"Young ladies who feel anxious to preserve the most symmetrical anatomical proportions, should never be in a hurry. They should remember that 'haste' makes waist." ... YOUNG M
YOUNG M.D.--That jig is up. OLD M.D.--What do you mean? YOUNG M.D.--That fellow with St. Vitus's dance died this morning. ... Young man don't you know you ought to lay something by for a rainy day
"Young man, don't you know you ought to lay something by for a rainy day?" "I do; my rubbers." ... Your father has a strong box at home hasn't he Willie said the teacher
"Your father has a strong box at home, hasn't he, Willie," said the teacher. "Yes'm," replied Willie; "the one he keeps the limburger in." ...