Ingenious Reply Of A Soldier
A SOLDIER in the army of the Duke of Marlborough took the name of that
general, who reprimanded him for it. How am I to blame, general? said
the soldier. I have the choice of names; if I had known one more
illustrious than yours, I should have taken it.
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In The Background
AN Irishman once ordered a painter to draw his picture, and to represent him standing behind a tree. ... In The Dark
A SCOTCH lady, who was discomposed by the introduction of gas, asked with much earnestness, What's to become o' the puir whales? deeming their interests materially affected by this superseding of their oil. ... In Want Of A Husband
A YOUNG lady was told by a married lady, that she had better precipitate herself from off the rocks of the Passaic falls into the basin beneath than marry. The young lady replied, I would, if I thought I should find a husband at the bottom. ... In-door Relief
A MELTING sermon being preached in a country church, all fell a-weeping but one man, who being asked why he did not weep with the rest, said, O no, I belong to another parish. ... Inadvertence And Epicurism
WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to... Incapacity
A YOUNG ecclesiastic asked his bishop permission to preach. I would permit you, answered the prelate; but nature will not. ... Incredible
SHERIDAN made his appearance one day in a pair of new boots; these attracting the notice of some of his friends, Now guess, said he, how I came by these boots? Many probable guesses then took place. No! said Sheridan, no, you've not hit it, nor ever... Independence
JEMMY GORDON, the Cambridge eccentric, when he happened to be without shoes or stockings, one day came in contact with a person of very indifferent character. The gentleman, pitying his condition, told him, if he called at his house, he would give h... Indifference To Death
A PRISONER, who had received notice that he was to die the next morning, was asked by some of his unfortunate companions to share their repast with them. He answered, I never eat anything that I expect will not digest. ... Indifference To Life
A SOLDIER, who was being led to the gallows, saw a crowd of people running on before. Don't be in such a hurry, said he to them. I can assure you nothing will be done without me. ... Industry And Perseverance
A SPENDTHRIFT said, Five years ago I was not worth a farthing in the world; now see where I am through my own exertions.--Well, where are you? inquired a neighbor. Why, I now owe more than a thousand pounds! ... Industry Of The English People
SYDNEY SMITH, writing in the Edinburgh Review, says, If the English were in a paradise of spontaneous productions, they would continue to dig and plough, though they were never a peach or a pine-apple the better for it. ... Information Easily Acquired
A FRIEND, crossing Putney Bridge with Theodore Hook, observed that he had been informed that it was a very good investment, and inquired if such were the case?--I don't know, was the answer; but you ought, as you have just been tolled. ... Ingenious Reply Of A Soldier
A SOLDIER in the army of the Duke of Marlborough took the name of that general, who reprimanded him for it. How am I to blame, general? said the soldier. I have the choice of names; if I had known one more illustrious than yours, I should have taken... Ingenuousness
TWO young officers, after a mess-dinner, had very much ridiculed their general. He sent for them, and asked them if what was reported to him was true. General, said one of them, it is; and we should have said much more if our wine had not failed. ... Ingratitude
WHEN Brennan, the noted highwayman, was taken in the south of Ireland, a banker, whose notes at that time were not held in the highest estimation, assured the prisoner that he was very glad to see him there at last. Brennan, looking up, replied, Ah!... Ingratitude
WHEN Lord B---- died, a person met an old man who was one of his most intimate friends. He was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one was trying to console him, but in vain. His loss, he exclaimed, does not affect me so much as his horrible ingrati... Inquest Extraordinary
DIED from fatigue, three laundresses together all, Verdict,--had tried to wash a shirt marked Wetherall.[A] [A] Sir Charles Wetherall was noted for want of cleanliness. ... Inquest Extraordinary
DIED suddenly,--surprised at such a rarity! Verdict,--Saw Eldon do a little bit of charity. ... Inquestnot Extraordinary
GREAT Bulwer's works fell on Miss Basbleu's head, And in a moment, lo! the maid was dead! A jury sat, and found the verdict plain-- She died of milk and water on the brain. ... Inquests Extraordinary
FOUND dead, a rat--no case could sure be harder; Verdict--Confined a week in Eldon's larder. Died, Sir Charles Wetherall's laundress, honest Sue; Verdict--Ennui--so little work to do. ... Insurance Assurance
THE collector in a country church, where a brief was read for a sufferer from fire, flattered himself that he had been unusually successful in the collection, as he fancied he saw an agent to one of the fire-offices put a note into the box. On exami... Interested Inquiry
AN attorney-general politely inquired after the health of a distinguished judge. Mr. Attorney, was the reply, I am in horrible good health at present. ... Ireland's Forgery
SAYS Kemble to Lewis, Pray what is your play? Cries Lewis to Kemble, The Lie of the Day! Say you so? replied Kemble; why, we act the same; But to cozen the town we adopt a new name; For that Vortigern's Shakespeare's we some of ... Irish And Scotch Loyalty
WHEN George the Fourth went to Ireland, one of the pisintry said to the toll-keeper as the king passed through, Och, now! an' his majesty never paid the turnpike, an' how's that?--O, kings never does; we lets 'em go free, was the answer. Then there'... Irish Imprudence
IN the year 1797, when democratic notions ran high, the king's coach was attacked as his majesty was going to the House of Peers. A gigantic Hibernian, who was conspicuously loyal in repelling the mob, attracted the attention of the king. Not long a...