Equality Of The Law
THE following cannot be omitted from a Jest Book, although somewhat
lengthy:--
A man was convicted of bigamy, and the annexed conversation took
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Epigram On The Death Of Foote
FOOTE, from his earthly stage, alas! is hurled, Death took him off, who took off all the world. ... Epigram On The Duke Of 's Consistency
THAT he's ne'er known to change his mind, Is surely nothing strange; For no one yet could ever find He'd any mind to change. ... Epigram On The Marriage Of A Very Thin Couple
ST. PAUL has declared that, when persons, though twain, Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain. But had he been by, when, like Pharaoh's kine pairing, Dr. Douglas, of Benet, espoused Miss Mainwaring, St. Peter, no doubt, w... Epigram On Two Contractors
TO gull the public two contractors come, One pilfers corn,--the other cheats in rum. Which is the greater knave, ye wits explain, A rogue in spirit, or a rogue in grain? ... Episcopal Sauce
AT a dinner-party Archbishop Whately called out suddenly to the host, Mr. ----! There was silence. Mr. ----, what is the proper female companion of this John Dory? After the usual number of guesses an answer came, Anne Chovy. ... Epitaph For Sir John Vanbrugh
LIE heavy on him, Earth! for he Laid many heavy loads on thee! ... Epitaph On A Miser
READER, beware immoderate love of pelf, Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself. ... Epitaph Upon Peter Staggs
POOR Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail, Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale; For twenty years he did the duties well, Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the Bell. But death stepped in, and ordered Peter Staggs ... Epitaphs
IF truth, perspicuity, wit, gravity, and every property pertaining to the ancient or modern epitaph, may be expected united in one single epitaph, it is in one made for Burbadge, the tragedian, in the days of Shakespeare,--the following being the wh... Equal To Nothing
ON being informed that the judges in the Court of Common Pleas had little or nothing to do, Bushe remarked, Well, well, they're equal to it! ... Equality
SOME one was praising our public schools to Charles Landseer, and said, All our best men were public school men. Look at our poets. There's Byron, he was a Harrow boy----Yes, interrupted Charles, and there's Burns,--he was a ploughboy. ... Equality
A HIGHWAYMAN and a chimney-sweeper were condemned to be hanged the same time at Tyburn,--the first for an exploit on the highway, the latter for a more ignoble robbery. Keep farther off, can't you? said the highwayman, with some disdain. Sir, replie... Equality Of The Law
THE following cannot be omitted from a Jest Book, although somewhat lengthy:-- A man was convicted of bigamy, and the annexed conversation took ... Equitable Law
A RICH man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of fellow-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir such a portion as pleased them. The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired whether th... Erasmus Versus Luther
ERASMUS, of whom Cambridge has a right to be not a little proud, was entreated by Lord Mountjoy to attack the errors of Luther. My lord, answered Erasmus, nothing is more easy than to say Luther is mistaken, and nothing more difficult than to prove ... Error In Judgment
AN author once praised another writer very heartily to a third person. It is very strange, was the reply, that you speak so well of him, for he says that you are a charlatan.--O, replied the other, I think it very likely that both of us may be mista... Erudite
A LADY had a favorite lapdog, which she called Perchance. A singular name, said somebody, for a beautiful pet, madam. Where did you find it?--O, drawled she, it was named from Byron's dog. You remember where he says, 'Perchance my dog will howl.' ... Essay On Man
AT ten, a child; at twenty, wild; At thirty, tame, if ever; At forty, wise; at fifty, rich; At sixty, good, or never! ... Euclid Refuted
... Euclid Refuted
A PART, says Euclid, one at once may see, Unto the whole can never equal be; Yet W----'s speeches can this fact control, Of them a part is equal to the whole. ... Ever
yours, S.S. ... Evidence Of A Jockey
THE following dialogue was lately heard at an assize:--Counsel: What was the height of the horse? Witness: Sixteen feet. Counsel: How old was he? Witness: Six years. Counsel: How high did you say he was? Witness: Sixteen hands. Counsel: You said jus... Exaggeration
A MAN was boasting before a companion of his very strong sight. I can discern from here a mouse on the top of that very high tower.--I don't see it, answered, his comrade; but I hear it running. ... Excusable Fear
A HUSBAND, who only opposed his wife's ill humor by silence, was told by a friend that he was afraid of his wife.--It is not she I am afraid of, replied the husband, it is the noise. ...