Hospital
Little Mary, who had fallen ill, begged for a kitten. It was found that
an operation was necessary for the child's cure, and that she must go
to the hospital. The mother promised that if she would be very brave
during this time of trial she should have the very finest kitten to be
found.
As Mary was coming out from the influence of the anesthetic, the nurse
heard her muttering, and stooping, heard these words:
"It's a bum way to get a cat."
More
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High Prices
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The professor and his wife were doubtful about returning to the farm on which they had passed the previous summer, because they had been somewhat annoyed by the proximity of the pigsty to the house. Finally, the professor wrote to the farmer and exp... Holding His Own
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One of our volunteers in the late war lost some of his first enthusiasm under the bitter experience of campaigning. One night at the front in France, while his company was stationed in a wood, a lieutenant discovered the recruit sitting on a log and... Honeymoon
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A certain man notorious for his slowness paid attention for two years to a young lady, without coming to the point. The girl's father thought it time for him to interfere. On the swain's next visit, the father interviewed him: "Clinton, you've be... Hope Springs Eternal
_Oldest Inhabitant:_ "I never expected to live till the end of the War, Ma'am; but now I'm hoping to be spared to see the beginning of the next one." * * * "That's Betty Grant's new maid." "She's much ... Hospital
Little Mary, who had fallen ill, begged for a kitten. It was found that an operation was necessary for the child's cure, and that she must go to the hospital. The mother promised that if she would be very brave during this time of trial she should h... Hospitality
The good wife apologized to her unexpected guests for serving the apple pie without cheese. The little boy of the family slipped quietly away from the table for a moment, and returned with a cube of cheese, which he laid on the guest's plate. The vi... How He Did It
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The paying teller told mournfully of his experience with a strange woman who appeared at his wicket to have a check cashed. "But, madam," he advised her, "you will have to get some one to introduce you before I can pay you the money on this check.... Idioms
The foreigner, who prided himself on his mastery of colloquial expressions in English, was speaking of the serious illness of a distinguished statesman. "It would be a great pity," he declared, "if such a splendid man should kick the ghost." ... Illustration
Pat was set to work with the circular saw during his first day at the saw mill. The foreman gave careful instructions how to guard against injury, but no sooner was his back turned than he heard a howl from the novice, and, on turning, he saw that P... Impatience
An acquaintance encountered in the village inquired of Farmer Jones concerning his wife, who was seriously ill. That worthy scowled and spat, and finally answered in a tone of fretful dejection: "Seems like Elmiry's falin' drefful slow. Dinged if ... Impudence
The ice on the river was in perfect condition. A small boy, with his skates on his arm, knocked at the door of the Civil War veteran, who had lost a leg at Antietam. When the door was opened by the old man, the boy asked: "Are you going out to-da... In A Fix
_Mrs. Muggins:_ "It's raining, and Mrs. Goodsoul wants to go home, and I have no umbrella to lend her except my new guinea one. Can't I let her have yours?" _Mr. Muggins:_ "Hardly! The only umbrella I have got has her husband's name on the handle...