Theatrical Purgations
A DRAMATIC author once observed that he knew nothing so terrible as reading his piece before a critical audience. I know but one more terrible, said Compton, the actor, to be obliged to sit and hear it. ... Theatrical Wit
HATTON, who was a considerable favorite at the Haymarket Theatre, and particularly in the part of Jack Junk, was one night at Gosport, performing the character of Barbarossa. In the scene where the tyrant makes love to Zapphira, and reminds her of h... Thereby Hangs Etc
A CERTAIN Irish judge, called the Hanging Judge, and who had never been known to shed a tear except when Macheath, in the Beggar's Opera, got his reprieve, once said to Curran, Pray, Mr. Curran, is that hung beef beside you? If it is, I will try it.... Things By Their Right Names
IF by their names we things should call, It surely would be properer, To term a singing piece a bawl, A dancing piece a hopperer! ... Three Causes
THREE gentlemen being in a coffee-house, one called for a dram, because he was hot. Bring me another, says his companion, because I am cold. The third, who sat by and heard them, very quietly called out, Here, boy, bring me a glass, because I like i... Three Degrees Of Comparison
A LADY, proud of her rank and title, once compared the three classes of people, nobility, gentry, and commonalty, to china, delf, and crockery. A few minutes elapsed, when one of the company expressed a wish to see the lady's little girl, who, it wa... Three Ends To A Rope
A LAD applied to the captain of a vessel for a berth; the captain, wishing to intimidate him, handed him a piece of rope, and said, If you want to make a good sailor, you must make three ends to the rope.--I can do it, he readily replied; here is on... Three Touchstones
AN ancient sage uttered the following apothegm:--The goodness of gold is tried by fire, the goodness of women by gold, and the goodness of men by the ordeal of women. ... Throw Physic To The Dogs!
WHEN the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne wrote a prescription for him. The next day the doctor, coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription: No, truly, doctor, said Nash; if I had I should have broken my neck for... Thurlow And Pitt
WHEN the Lord Chancellor Thurlow was supposed to be on no very friendly terms with the Minister (Mr. Pitt), a friend asked the latter how Thurlow drew with them. I don't know, said the Premier, how he draws, but he has not refused his oats yet. ... Tillotson
WHO was then Archbishop of Canterbury, on King William's complaining of the shortness of his sermon, answered, Sire, could I have bestowed more time upon it, it would not have been so long! ... Time Works Wonders
A GENTLEMAN dining at a hotel, whose servants were few and far between, despatched a lad among them for a cut of beef. After a long time the lad returned, and was asked by the faint and hungry gentleman, Are you the lad who took away my plate for th... Timely Aid
A LADY was followed by a beggar, who very importunately asked her for alms. She refused him; when he quitted her, saying, with a profound sigh, Yet the alms I asked you for would have prevented me executing my present resolution! The lady was alarme... Timely Flattery
A GENTLEMAN was asked by Mrs. Woffington, what difference there was between her and her watch; to which he instantly replied, Your watch, madam, makes us remember the hours, and you make us forget them. ... To Lady Mount E On The Death Of A Favorite Pig
O DRY that tear so round and big, Nor waste in sighs your precious wind; Death only takes a single pig-- Your lord and son are still behind. ...

A Walking Stick Idolatry Erudite White Teeth An Honor To Tipperary Ingratitude Welsh Wig-ging A New Sign

The Tanner; An Epigram A Pertinent Question Henry Erskine Walpoliana Very Likely A Seasonable Joke Measure For Measure The Debt Paid