That cook would make a good baseball player
"That cook would make a good baseball player."
"Why so?"
"A fly got into the batter when she was serving the griddles, and
the way she caught that fly from the batter was a sight to rush
an umpire into an early grave."
More
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Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks remarked a Portland
commercial traveller the best I ever saw was in a town near
Bangor
"Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks," remarked a Portland commercial traveller, "the best I ever saw was in a town near Bangor. Just before I retired I heard a scampering under the bed and looked under, expecting to see a burglar. Instead I sa... SPECIAL RULES FOR GUESTS
SPECIAL RULES FOR GUESTS. 1--Guests are requested not to speak to the dumb waiter. 2--Guests wishing to get up without being called can have self-raising flour for supper. 3--The hotel is supported by a beautiful cemetery; hearse... STRANGER--Boy can you direct me to the bank
STRANGER--"Boy, can you direct me to the bank?" BOY--"I kin for a quarter." STRANGER--"A quarter! Isn't that high pay?" BOY--"Yes, sir; but it's bank directors what gits high pay, you see, sir!" ... STUDENT--Professor which is the logical way of reaching a conclusion
STUDENT--Professor, which is the logical way of reaching a conclusion? PROFESSOR--Take a train of thought, my boy. ... SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--What is meant in the parable by a house built upon a rock
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER--What is meant in the parable by a "house built upon a rock?" SUNDAY SCHOOL SCHOLAR--A Harlem flat. ... SWATTER--I see you are mentioned in one of the books just published
SWATTER--I see you are mentioned in one of the books just published. PRIMLY--Indeed! What book? SWATTER--The directory. ... Take away my first letter take away my second letter take away all my letters and I am still the same
Take away my first letter, take away my second letter, take away all my letters and I am still the same. What am I? The postman. ... TEACHER OF DRAWING CLASS--Willie tell me how you would make a maltese cross
TEACHER OF DRAWING CLASS--"Willie, tell me how you would make a maltese cross." WILLIE--"Step on his tail, mum." ... TEACHER--Johnny can you tell me what a section boss is
TEACHER--Johnny, can you tell me what a section boss is? JOHNNY--The conductor of a sleeping-car. ... TEACHER--Thomas can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed in
TEACHER--Thomas, can you tell me which battle Nelson was killed in? TOMMY (after a moment's reflection)--I think it was his last. ... TEACHER--When does suicide become a crime
TEACHER--When does suicide become a crime? SMART BOY--When it becomes a confirmed habit. "Nonsense, sir. Why is suicide a crime?" "Because it injures the health." ... TEACHER--Yes dear; ova refers to an egg
TEACHER--Yes, dear; ova refers to an egg. WILLY--Then when they throw bad eggs at an actor he gets a literal ovation, I s'pose. ... Telephone operators are always bound to have the last word; that's why females are always employed in that capacity
Telephone operators are always bound to have the last word; that's why females are always employed in that capacity. ... That cook would make a good baseball player
"That cook would make a good baseball player." "Why so?" "A fly got into the batter when she was serving the griddles, and the way she caught that fly from the batter was a sight to rush an umpire into an early grave." ... That man has had five wives
"That man has had five wives." "Tandem or simultaneously?" "I don't understand." "Is he a Mormon or a Chicago man?" ... That said the loaf pointing to the oven is where I was bred
"That," said the loaf, pointing to the oven, "is where I was bred." ... That sounds like the charity bawl said the nurse as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell
"That sounds like the charity bawl," said the nurse, as the babies in the orphan asylum began to yell. ... That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice
"That tenor of yours has a marvelous voice. He can hold one of his notes for half a minute." "Shucks! I've held one of his notes for two years." ... That was a pretty good dog story wasn't it
"That was a pretty good dog story, wasn't it?" asked Dinwiddie, as he finished telling one. "Yes," replied Gaswell; "but it was too long. It ought to have been curtailed." ... That young gentleman has a very taking manner said one young lady to another at a party of a young man who had just left them
"That young gentleman has a very taking manner," said one young lady to another at a party, of a young man who had just left them. "Yes," was the reply, "that's his business." "His business? What is he?" "A photographer." ... THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before
THE BARBER--Did I ever shave you before? THE VICTIM--Yes, once. THE BARBER--I don't remember your face. THE VICTIM--No; I suppose not. It's all healed up now. ... The butcher is a fair minded fellow
The butcher is a fair minded fellow. He is always willing to meet his customers half weigh. ... The death of her husband must have been a dreadful blow to Mrs
"The death of her husband must have been a dreadful blow to Mrs. Musicale." "It was, indeed." "I suppose she has given up her piano playing entirely." "No; she still plays; but only on the black keys." ... The detective at the boarding house table having satisfied himself that nobody had observed him folded up his magnifying glass and put it back in his pocket
The detective at the boarding house table having satisfied himself that nobody had observed him, folded up his magnifying glass and put it back in his pocket. "Yes," he said to himself, "they've got the same girl they had when I was here two ye... THE DOCTOR--You regard society as merely a machine do you
THE DOCTOR--"You regard society as merely a machine, do you? What part of the machinery do you consider me, for instance?" THE PROFESSOR--"You are one of the cranks." ... The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric
The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric. He may be bald. ...