A Linguist
"She is one of the most remarkable women I ever met." "In what way?" "She can keep silence in four different languages." * * * ... A Lovers' Quarrel
_George:_ "Why don't Jack and Laura make up?" _Kate:_ "'Sh! They'd like to, but unfortunately they can't remember what they quarreled about." * * * ... A Magic Healer
During an exciting game of football a player had two fingers of his right hand badly smashed, and on his way home from the ground he dropped into the doctor's to have them attended to. "Doctor," he asked, anxiously. "When this hand of mine heals, ... A Natural Picture
A man and his eldest son went to have their photographs taken together, and the photographer said to the young man, "It will make a better picture if you put your hand on your father's shoulder." "H'm," said the father, "it would make a more natur... A Noble Aim
_She:_ "Have you heard anything about the woman's Reform Club?" "Yes, its object seems to be to reform everything except the Club and everybody except the members." * * * ... A Qualified Statement
"Well! we've missed that confounded train. What time will the next one be here?" "If the engine doesn't break down, and the track doesn't spread, and they don't run into any cows, and the up-freight isn't behind time, and the swing bridge isn't o... A Question Of Locality
"Bobby," said the lady in the tramcar, severely, "why don't you get up and give your seat to your father? Doesn't it pain you to see him reaching for the strap?" "Not in a car," said Bobby. "It does at home." * ... A Solution
_The Mistress:_ "Oh, Jane, if I had known who sent those flowers I would have returned them unopened." _The Maid:_ "Shure, Miss, couldn't ye take a few out, and sind the rist back unopened?" * * * ... A Soothing Effect
"Do you miss your husband as much as when he first went away?" "No, I am becoming reconciled. You see he sent me a power of attorney." * * * ... A Subtle Distinction
"I say--come and dance. This is a toppin' fox-trot they're playin'." "Thanks--but I'm only waltzing this evening. We're still in mourning, you know." * * * _Specialist_ (_to patient suffering from insom... A Wonder!
"That fellow Jones is a hard-headed cuss," remarked Brown. "That so?" asked Smith. "Yes," replied Brown. "Why, he could read a patent medicine almanac and not have a solitary symptom of some disease." * * ... A Young Philosopher
"Mamma!" "What is it, dear?" "It seems to me that a 'silly question' is something that you don't know the answer to." * * * ... Absentmindedness
The man of the house finally took all the disabled umbrellas to the repairer's. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was ... Acquaintance
The Scotchman who ran a livery was asked by a tourist as to how many the carryall would hold. "Fower generally," was the answer. "Likely sax, if they're weel aquaint." ... Actors
The tragedian had just signed a contract to tour South Africa. He told a friend of it at the club. The friend shook his head dismally. "The ostrich," he explained in a pitying tone, "lays an egg weighing anywhere from two to four pounds." ...

Humility The Gloomy Guest Optimism Repentance Hospitality Recognition Baptism Physiology

Sarcasm Discretion Sympathy Economy Cause And Effect He Knew What He Preferred Appearances