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Scotch, The

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A Scotsman is one who prays on his knees on Sunday and preys on his
neighbors on week days.


It being the southerner's turn, he told about a county in Missouri so
divided in sentiment that year after year the vote of a single man
prohibits the sale of liquor there. "And what," he asked, "do you
suppose is the name of the chap who keeps a whole county dry?"

Nobody had an idea.

"Mackintosh, as I'm alive!" declared the southerner.

Everybody laughed except the Englishman. "It's just like a Scotsman to
be so obstinate!" he sniffed, and was much astonished when the rest of
the party laughed more than ever.


A Scottish minister, taking his walk early in the morning, found one of
his parishioners recumbent in a ditch.

"Where hae you been the nicht, Andrew?" asked the minister.

"Weel, I dinna richtly ken," answered the prostrate one, "whether it was
a wedding' or a funeral, but whichever it was it was a most
extraordinary success."


_See also_ Thrift.





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