After Dinner Speeches
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WILLIS--"Some of these rich fellows seem to think that they can buy
their way into heaven by leaving a million dollars to a church when they
GILLIS--"I don't know but that they stand as much chance as some of
these other rich fellows who are trying to get in on the instalment plan
of ten cents a Sunday while they're living."--_Lauren S. Hamilton_.
An Italian noble at church one day gave a priest who begged for the
souls in purgatory, a piece of gold.
"Ah, my lord," said the good father, "you have now delivered a soul."
The count threw another piece upon the plate.
"Here is another soul delivered," said the priest.
"Are you positive of it?" replied the count.
"Yes, my lord," replied the priest; "I am certain they are now in
"Then," said the count, "I'll take back my money, for it signifies
nothing to you now, seeing the souls have already got to heaven."
An Episcopal missionary in Wyoming visited one of the outlying districts
in his territory for the purpose of conducting prayer in the home of a
large family not conspicuous for its piety. He made known his intentions
to the woman of the house, and she murmured vaguely that "she'd go out
and see." She was long in returning, and after a tiresome wait the
missionary went to the door and called with some impatience:
"Aren't you coming in? Don't you care anything about your souls?"
"Souls?" yelled the head of the family from the orchard. "We haven't got
time to fool with our souls when the bees are swarmin'."
Edith was light-hearted and merry over everything. Nothing appealed to
her seriously. So, one day, her mother decided to invite a very serious
young parson to dinner, and he was placed next the light-hearted girl.
Everything went well until she asked him:
"You speak of everybody having a mission. What is yours?"
"My mission," said the parson, "is to save young men."
"Good," replied the girl, "I'm glad to meet you. I wish you'd save one
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