SWIMMERS
Two negro roustabouts at New Orleans were continually bragging about their ability as long distance swimmers and a steamboat man got up a match. The man who swam the longest distance was to receive $5. The Alabama Whale immediately stripped on the... SYMPATHY
A sympathizer is a fellow that's for you as long as it don't cost anything. Dwight L. Moody was riding in a car one day when it was hailed by a man much the worse for liquor, who presently staggered along the car between two rows of well-dres... SYNONYMS
"I don't believe any two words in the English language are synonymous." "Oh, I don't know. What's the matter with 'raise' and 'lift'?" "There's a big difference. I 'raise' chickens and have a neighbor who has been known to 'lift' them." ... TABLE MANNERS
_See_ Dining. ... TACT
It was at the private theatricals, and the young man wished to compliment his hostess, saying: "Madam, you played your part splendidly. It fits you to perfection." "I'm afraid not. A young and pretty woman is needed for that part," said the s... TAFT, WILLIAM HOWARD
When Mr. Taft was on his campaigning tour in the west, before he had been elected President, he stopped at the home of an old friend. It was a small house, not well built, and as he walked about in his room the unsubstantial little house fairly sh... TALENT
_See_ Actors and actresses. ... TALKERS
Some years ago, Mark Twain was a guest of honor at an opera box-party given by a prominent member of New York society. The hostess had been particularly talkative all during the performance--to Mr. Clemens's increasing irritation. Toward the en... TARDINESS
"You'll be late for supper, sonny," said the merchant, in passing a small boy who was carrying a package. "No, I won't," was the reply. "I've dot de meat."--_Mabel Long_. "How does it happen that you are five minutes late at school this mor... TARIFF
Why not have an illuminated sign on the statue of Liberty saying, "America expects every man to pay his duty?"--_Kent Packard_. ... TASTE
"It isn't wise for a painter to be too frank in his criticisms," said Robert Henri at a luncheon. "I know a very outspoken painter whose little daughter called at a friend's house and said: 'Show me your new parlor rug, won't you, please?'" S... TEACHERS
A rural school has a pretty girl as its teacher, but she was much troubled because many of her pupils were late every morning. At last she made the announcement that she would kiss the first pupil to arrive at the schoolhouse the next morning. At ... TEARS
Two Irishmen who had just landed were eating their dinner in a hotel, when Pat spied a bottle of horseradish. Not knowing what it was he partook of a big mouthful, which brought tears to his eyes. Mike, seeing Pat crying, exclaimed: "Phat be ye ... TEETH
There was an old man of Tarentum, Who gnashed his false teeth till he bent 'em: And when asked for the cost Of what he had lost, Said, "I really can't tell for I rent 'em!" --_Gilbert K. Chesterton_. Pat came to the office... TELEPHONE
Two girls were talking over the wire. Both were discussing what they should wear to the Christmas party. In the midst of this important conversation a masculine voice interrupted, asking humbly for a number. One of the girls became indignant and s...

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES LIARS THIN PEOPLE EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYEES COURAGE FAITH FORGETFULNESS GUESTS

RECONCILIATIONS SPECULATION SYNONYMS DESCRIPTION MATHEMATICS SUBWAYS INQUISITIVENESS FAILURES