STEAK
"Can I get a steak here and catch the one o'clock train?" "It depends on your teeth, sir." ... STEAM
"Can you tell what steam is?" asked the examiner. "Why, sure, sir," replied Patrick confidently. "Steam is--Why--er--it's wather thos's gone crazy wid the heat." ... STEAMSHIPS AND STEAMBOATS
"That new steamer they're building is a whopper," says the man with the shoe button nose. "Yes," agrees the man with the recalcitrant hair, "but my uncle is going to build one so long that when a passenger gets seasick in one end of it he can g... STENOGRAPHERS
A beautiful statuesque blond had left New York to act as stenographer to a dignified Philadelphian of Quaker descent. On the morning of her first appearance she went straight to the desk of her employer. "I presume," she remarked, "that you begi... STOCK BROKERS
A grain broker in New Boston, Maine, Said, "That market gives me a pain; I can hardly bear it, To bull--I don't dare it, For it's going against the grain." --_Minnesota Minne-Ha-Ha_. ... STRATEGY
A bird dog belonging to a man in Mulvane disappeared last week. The owner put this "ad" in the paper and insisted that it be printed exactly as he wrote it: LOST OR RUN AWAY--One livver culered burd dog called Jim. Will show signs of hyderfobby... SUBWAYS
Any one who has ever traveled on the New York subway in rush hours can easily appreciate the following: A little man, wedged into the middle of a car, suddenly thought of pickpockets, and quite as suddenly remembered that he had some money in h... SUCCESS
Nothing succeeds like excess.--_Life_. Nothing succeeds like looking successful.--_Henriette Corkland_. Success in life often consists in knowing just when to disagree with one's employer. A New Orleans lawyer was asked to address the... SUFFRAGETTES
When a married woman goes out to look after her rights, her husband is usually left at home to look after his wrongs.--_Child Harold_. "'Ullo, Bill, 'ow's things with yer?" "Lookin' up, Tom, lookin' up." "Igh cost o' livin' not 'ittin' ye... SUICIDE
The Chinese Consul at San Francisco, at a recent dinner, discussed his country's customs. "There is one custom," said a young girl, "that I can't understand--and that is the Chinese custom of committing suicide by eating gold-leaf. I can't unde... SUMMER RESORTS
GABE--"What are you going back to that place for this summer? Why, last year it was all mosquitoes and no fishing." STEVE--"The owner tells me that he has crossed the mosquitoes with the fish, and guarantees a bite every second." "I suppose... SUNDAY
Albert was a solemn-eyed, spiritual-looking child. "Nurse," he said one day, leaving his blocks and laying his hand on her knee, "nurse, is this God's day?" "No, dear," said the nurse, "this is not Sunday; it is Thursday." "I'm so sorry," he ... SUNDAY SCHOOLS
"Now, Willie," said the superintendent's little boy, addressing the blacksmith's little boy, who had come over for a frolic, "we'll play 'Sabbath School.' You give me a nickel every Sunday for six months, and then at Christmas I'll give you a ten-... SUPERSTITION
Superstition is a premature explanation overstaying its time.--_George Iles_. ... SURPRISE
"Where are you goin', ma?" asked the youngest of five children. "I'm going to a surprise party, my dear," answered the mother. "Are we all goin', too?" "No, dear. You weren't invited." After a few moments' deep thought: "Say, ma, then ...

AFTER DINNER SPEECHES LIARS THIN PEOPLE EMPLOYERS AND EMPLOYEES COURAGE FAITH FORGETFULNESS GUESTS

RECONCILIATIONS SPECULATION SYNONYMS DESCRIPTION MATHEMATICS SUBWAYS INQUISITIVENESS FAILURES