Revenge Is Sweet
"Yes," proudly announced the ex-captain, who is manager of a new seaside hotel, "all our employees are former Service men, every one of them. The reception clerk is an old infantry man, the waiters have all been non-coms., the chef was a mess-sergea... Revolution
At a reception given by the Daughters of the Revolution in New York City appeared a woman from one of the Latin-American States. She wore a large number of decorations and insignia. It was explained that she was a Daughter of all two hundred and thi... Reward Of Merit
A very tidy young man was distressed by his wife's carelessness in attire at home. He was especially annoyed by a torn skirt, which his wife was forever pinning and never mending. Being a tidy man, he had acquired some skill with a needle in his bac... Reward Of Virtue
The little boy put a serious question to his mother: "Please, mama, tell me: If I'm a good boy, and I die, and go to heaven, will God give me a nice ickle devil to play with?" * * * The teacher directed... Ruling Passion
Noah Webster, the maker of the dictionary, carried his exact knowledge as to the meaning of words into ordinary speech. A story told of him--which is, of course, untrue--illustrates the point. Noah's wife entered the kitchen, to find him kissing t... Safety First
"Come over here!" called a friend to an intoxicated citizen whom he saw across the street. The man addressed blinked and shook his head. "Come over there?" he called back. "Why, it's all I can do to stay where I am." ... Sandy Scored
A pompous Scottish laird met a farmer one morning, and observed: "Well, Sandy, you're getting very bent. Why don't you stand up straight, like me?" "Eh, mon," replied Sandy, "d'ye see yon field of corn?" "I do," said the laird. "Ah, weel,"... Sanity
It is a matter of uncommon knowledge that personal perfection is a most trying thing to live with. In the United States recently, a woman sued for divorce, alleging in the complaint against her husband that he had no faults. It was probably a subtle... Sarcasm
The noted story-teller at a dinner party related an anecdote, and was at first gratified by the hearty laughter of an old lady among the guests, and later a little suspicious, as her mirth continued. As he stared at her, puzzled, she spoke in explan... Sarcasm
Everything that could be done to make the great unemployed meeting a success had been accomplished. A large hall, and a good speaker had been engaged. When the latter arrived he seemed in a crabby frame of mind. Looking round, he beckoned the cha... Saving
A servant, who indulged in sprees during which he spent all his money, was advised by his master to save against a rainy day. A week later, the master inquired if any saving had been accomplished. "Oh, yes, indeed, sir," the servant responded. "Bu... Scapegoat
Cousin Willie, aged ten, came for a visit to Johnnie, aged twelve. Johnnie's mother directed him to take the visitor out to play with his boy friends in the neighborhood. "And be sure to have lots of fun," she added. On the return of the boys, ... Schedule
Cooks' tourists travel exactly according to schedule. The following conversation was overheard in Rome between a mother and daughter: "Is this Rome, ma?" "What day of the week is it, Matilda?" "Tuesday. What of it?" "If it's Tuesday, it mu... Scientific Proof
One day a teacher was having a first-grade class in physiology. She asked them if they knew that there was a burning fire in the body all of the time. One little girl spoke up and said: "Yes'm; when it is a cold day, I can see the smoke." ... Scotched!
A parsimonious farmer notorious for the small rations he doled out to his employees, said to a farmhand eating his breakfast, "Jock, there's a fly in yer parritch." "That disna' matter," replied Jock gloomily, "it'll no' droon." The farmer st...

Humility The Gloomy Guest Optimism Repentance Hospitality Recognition Baptism Physiology

Sarcasm Discretion Sympathy Economy Cause And Effect He Knew What He Preferred Appearances