The other day the head of a boarding-school noticed one of the boys wiping his knife on the table-cloth and pounced on him at once
The other day the head of a boarding-school noticed one of the boys wiping his knife on the table-cloth, and pounced on him at once. "Is that what you do at home?" he asked indignantly. "Oh, no," answered the boy quickly, "we have clean knive... The portrait tumbled from the wall And hit the young man's head
The portrait tumbled from the wall And hit the young man's head. "A striking likeness!" That was all The rueful punster said. ... The pugilist boxes his man before he lays him out
The pugilist boxes his man before he lays him out. The undertaker lays out his man before he boxes him. ... The rapidity of ocean transport is becoming truly marvelous
The rapidity of ocean transport is becoming truly marvelous. A sea captain boasts that he finished loading a cargo of wheat at San Francisco by dinner time, and then went to China for tea. ... The rubber plant was rubb'ring round In a manner most absurd: The long green corn prickled up her ears And this is what she heard: Wot's tomato wid you you beat
The rubber plant was rubb'ring round In a manner most absurd: The long green corn prickled up her ears And this is what she heard: "Wot's tomato wid you, you beat?" Asked the onion of the hash, "I'm jealous... The slats of the shutter of our office-window are in a dilapidated condition
The slats of the shutter of our office-window are in a dilapidated condition. "Please help the blind." ... The speaker of the house is in deadly peril when every member on the floor wants to get his eye
The speaker of the house is in deadly peril when every member on the floor wants to get his eye. ... THE SPINSTER--How many lodges did you say your husband belonged to
THE SPINSTER--How many lodges did you say your husband belonged to? THE WIFE--Fifteen. THE SPINSTER--My goodness! just think of a man being out fifteen nights a week! Well, I'm glad that I'm an old maid. ... The stork is a bird with a great big bill; He brings us the babies whenever he will; Then comes the doctor and when he is through You find that he has a big bill too
The stork is a bird with a great big bill; He brings us the babies whenever he will; Then comes the doctor, and when he is through, You find that he has a big bill, too. ... The street car lurched
The street car lurched, she fell ker-flump! But got up with a happy smile, And to the young man said: "Please, sir, How many laps are to the mile?" ... The sunshine warm and budding trees Made Johnny feel quite gay
The sunshine warm and budding trees, Made Johnny feel quite gay. He went to swim--the obsequies Are being held to-day. ... The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf
The tramp should never complain of hunger when he can always enjoy a little loaf. ... The weary desert stretched for miles
The weary desert stretched for miles. Stretched for sheer weariness. Not a drop of water was in sight. Then it was that the traveler had an inspiration. He wrung his hands. ... THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting
THE WIFE (savagely)--Don't let me catch you flirting. THE HUSBAND (meekly)--No, dear, never again. That's the way you did catch me, you know! ... The word 'reviver' spells the same backwards and forwards
"The word 'reviver' spells the same backwards and forwards." It was the frivolous man who spoke. "Can you think of another?" The serious man scowled up from his newspaper. "Tut-tut!" he cried contemptuously. And they rode on in silence...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY