During Vacation
_The Summer Girl:_ "It pains me to be compelled to say so, but I really cannot become engaged to you." _The Summer Man:_ "Well--er--could you manage to be a sister to me for a couple of weeks?" * * * ... Duty
The traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed to the conductor: "Can't you go any faster than this?" "Yes," was the serene reply, "but I have to stay aboard." ... Easy Living
The Southerner in the North, while somewhat mellow, discoursed eloquently of conditions in his home state. He concluded in a burst of feeling: "In that smiling land, suh, no gentleman is compelled to soil his hands with vulgar work. The preparing... Economy
One Japanese bragged to another that he made a fan last twenty years by opening only a fourth section, and using this for five years, then the next section, and so on. The other Japanese registered scorn. "Wasteful!" he ejaculated. "I was bette... Economy
_Young Husband:_ "I see that sugar has gone down two points." _Young Wife:_ "Has it? I'll get a couple of pounds to-day, then." * * * _Best Man_ (_seeing couple off on honeymoon_): "Here you are--just a ... Efficiency
In these days of difficulty in securing domestic servants, mistresses will accept almost any sort of help, but there are limits. A woman interrogated a husky girl in an employment office, who was a recent importation from Lapland. The dialogue was a... Eggs
The farmer decided to give special attention to the development of his poultry yard, and he undertook the work carefully and systematically. His hired man, who had been with him for a number of years, was instructed, among other things, to write on ... Egotism
The pessimist spoke mournfully to his friend: "It is only to me that such misfortunes happen." "What's the matter now?" The pessimist answered dolefully: "Don't you see that it is raining?" ... Elephant
A circus man was scouring the countryside in search of an elephant that had escaped from the menagerie and wandered off. He inquired of an Irishman working in a field to learn if the fellow had seen any strange animal thereabouts. "Begorra, Oi he... Elopement
Some months after the elopement, an old friend met the bridegroom, and asked eagerly for details. "What about her father? Did he catch you?" "Just that!" quoth the bridegroom grimly. "Incidentally, I may add that the old boy is living with us s... Encouraging
_He:_ "My train goes in fifteen minutes. Can you not give me one ray of hope before I leave you forever?" _She:_ "Er--that clock is half an hour fast." * * * ... Enfranchisement Of Woman
_First Voter:_ "So Mr. Jones has been elected. You voted for him, of course?" _Second Voter:_ "No, I voted for the other man. You see, Mr. Jones supported Woman's Suffrage, which I abhor." * * * ... Enough
The darky's clothes were in the last stages of dilapidation, and he wore open work shoes, but his face was radiant, and he whistled merrily as he slouched along the street. A householder called from his porch: "Sam, I have a job for you, if you wa... Epitaph
In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription which runs thus: "This monument is erected to the memory of James O'Flinn, who was accidentally shot by his brother as a mark of affection." ... Evidence
The prisoner, a darky, explained how it came about that he had been arrested for chicken-stealing: "I didn't hab no trouble wiv de constable ner nobody. It would ab been all right if it hadn't been fer the women's love o' dress. My women folks, d...

Humility The Gloomy Guest Optimism Repentance Hospitality Recognition Baptism Physiology

Sarcasm Discretion Sympathy Economy Cause And Effect He Knew What He Preferred Appearances