The Whole Truth
Angus, a mason, was slipping out of the yard to get a "refresher" during working hours, when he suddenly ran into the boss. "Hallo!" said the boss, pleasantly, "were you looking for me?" "Ay," answered Angus, "I wis looking for ye, but I didna' ... They Wilt
"Which weeds are the easiest to kill?" asked young Flickers of Farmer Sassfras, as he watched that good man at his work. "Widow's weeds," replied the farmer. "You have only to say 'Wilt thou?' and they wilt." * ... Thirteen To One
Just before the service the clergyman was called into the vestibule by a young couple, who asked that he should marry them. He answered he had not time then, but that if they would wait until after the sermon he would be glad to do so. Accordingly, ... Threat
The mother, who was a believer in strict discipline, sternly addressed her little daughter, who sat wofully shrinking in the dentist's chair as the ogre approached forceps in hand: "Now, Letty, if you cry, I'll never take you to the dentist's agai... Thrift
A Scotchman was questioned by a friend: "Mac, I hear ye have fallen in love wi' bonny Kate McAllister." "Weel, Sanders," Mac replied, "I was near--veera near--doin' it, but the bit lassy had nae siller, so I said to meaself, 'Mac, be a mon.' And... Time Flies
The ardent lover heard the clock strike the hours--first nine, then ten, then eleven. At the sound of twelve strokes, he burst forth passionately: "How fleet are the hours in your presence, my beloved!" "Don't be silly!" the girl chided. "That'... Tit For Tat
The prize bull-dog attacked a farmer, who defended himself with a pitchfork, and in doing so killed the dog. The owner was greatly distressed, and reproached the farmer. "Why didn't you use the other end of the fork," he demanded, "and just beat ... To Be Sure
_Lily:_ "Harold proposed to me last night while turning the music for me at the piano." _Edith:_ "Ah, I see, dear; you played right into his hands!" * * * ... Tobacco
The native pointed with pride to two doddering ancients hobbling painfully down the village street, and informed the stranger: "Them fellers is the Dusenbury twins--ninety-eight year old!" The visitor was duly impressed, and asked to what the pair... Toilette Details
The little girl who had observed certain details in the toilette preparations of her elders, was observed by her mother at work over her most elaborate doll in a somewhat strange manner. "Whatever are you trying to do with your doll, Mary?" the mo... Tongue
An old lady in the London parish of the famous Doctor Gill made a nuisance of herself by constant interference in the affairs of others. As a gossip she was notorious. It appeared to her that the neckbands worn by the Doctor were longer than was fit... Too Enthusiastic
_Wifey:_ "Henry, do you think me an angel?" _Hubby:_ "Why, certainly, my dear. I'm very enthusiastic. I think all women are angels!" "You needn't be so enthusiastic as all that!" * * * ... Too Good
"Well, Alice," said a Southern woman to a coloured girl formerly in her employ, "I hear that you have married." "Yassum, Ah done got me a husband now." "Is he a good provider, Alice?" "Yassum. He's powerful good provider, but Ah's powerful sk... Too One-sided
"What is the use of quarreling, my dear girl? Let us forgive and forget." "That is just the trouble. I am always forgiving, and you are always forgetting." * * * ... Too Sad For That
A tourist was chatting with the proprietor of the village inn. "This place boasts of a choral society, doesn't it?" he asked. The innkeeper looked pained. "We don't boast about it," he replied, in low, sad tones. "We endure it with all the ca...

Humility The Gloomy Guest Optimism Repentance Hospitality Recognition Baptism Physiology

Sarcasm Discretion Sympathy Economy Cause And Effect He Knew What He Preferred Appearances