The Gloomy Guest
Cause And Effect
What He Preferred
Played Them Both Up
Random Stories Jokes
No Nonsense About It
Half A Duck Deep
Nothing To Fear
Stories Jokes Home
Artemas Ward said:
"When I am sad, I sing, and then others are sad with me."
* * *
The optimistic pessimist explained why he always dined in restaurants
where music was provided.
"Because it works two ways: sometimes the music helps to make me forget
the food, and sometimes the food helps to make me forget the music."
* * *
The young man, who was interested in natural history, was sitting on the
porch one June evening with his best girl, who was interested in music.
The rhythmic shrilling of the insects pulsed on the air, and from the
village church down the street came the sounds of choir practise. The
young man gave his attention to the former, the girl to the latter; and
presently she spoke eagerly:
"Oh, don't it sound grand!"
The young man nodded, and answered:
"Yes, indeed! and it's interesting to think that they do it all with
their hind legs."
* * *
The boy violinist, played at a private musical, rendering a difficult
concerto, which contained some particularly long rests for the soloist:
During one of these intervals, a kindly dowager leaned toward the
performer, and whispered loudly:
"Why don't you play something that you know, my boy?"
* * *
The apoplectic and grumpy old gentleman in the crowded restaurant was
compelled to sit, much against his will, next to the orchestra. His
stare at the leader as the jazz selection came to an end. The annoyed
patron snorted, and then asked:
"Would you be so kind as to play something by request?"
The leader bowed again and beamed.
"Certainly," he replied; "anything you like, sir."
"Then," snapped the patron, "please be good enough to play a game of
checkers while I finish my meal."