After Dinner Speeches
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LADY (to tramp who had been commissioned to find her lost poodle)--"The
poor little darling, where did you find him?"
TRAMP--"Oh, a man 'ad 'im, miss, tied to a pole, and was cleaning the
windows wiv 'im!"
A family moved from the city to a suburban locality and were told that
they should get a watchdog to guard the premises at night. So they
bought the largest dog that was for sale in the kennels of a neighboring
dog fancier, who was a German. Shortly afterward the house was entered
by burglars who made a good haul, while the big dog slept. The man went
to the dog fancier and told him about it.
"Veil, vat you need now," said the dog merchant, "is a leedle dog to
vake up the big dog."
"Dogs is mighty useful beasts
They might seem bad at first
They might seem worser right along
But when they're dead
--_Ellis Parker Butler_.
"My dog took first prize at the cat show."
"How was that?"
"He took the cat."--_Judge_.
FAIR VISITOR--"Why are you giving Fido's teeth such a thorough
FOND MISTRESS--"Oh! The poor darling's just bitten some horrid person,
and, really, you know, one can't be too careful."--_Life_.
"Do you know that that bulldog of yours killed my wife's little
harmless, affectionate poodle?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Would you be offended if I was to present him with a nice brass
Fleshy Miss Muffet
Sat down on Tuffet,
A very good dog in his way;
When she saw what she'd done,
She started to run--
And Tuffet was buried next day.
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