After Dinner Speeches
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A Chicago lawyer tells of a visit he received from a Mrs. Delehanty,
accompanied by Mr. Delehanty, the day after Mrs. Delehanty and a Mrs.
Cassidy had indulged in a little difference of opinion.
When he had listened to the recital of Mrs. Delehanty's troubles, the
"You want to get damages, I suppose?"
"Damages! Damages!" came in shrill tones from Mrs. Delehanty. "Haven't I
got damages enough already, man? What I'm after is satisfaction."
A Chicago man who was a passenger on a train that met with an accident
not far from that city tells of a curious incident that he witnessed in
the car wherein he was sitting.
Just ahead of him were a man and his wife. Suddenly the train was
derailed, and went bumping down a steep hill. The man evinced signs of
the greatest terror; and when the car came to a stop he carefully
examined himself to learn whether he had received any injury. After
ascertaining that he was unhurt, he thought of his wife and damages.
"Are you hurt, dear?" he asked.
"No, thank Heaven!" was the grateful response.
"Look here, then," continued hubby, "I'll tell you what we'll do. You
let me black your eye, and we'll soak the company good for damages! It
won't hurt you much. I'll give you just one good punch." _--Howard
Up in Minnesota Mr. Olsen had a cow killed by a railroad train. In due
season the claim agent for the railroad called.
"We understand, of course, that the deceased was a very docile and
valuable animal," said the claim agent in his most persuasive
claim-agentlemanly manner "and we sympathize with you and your family in
your loss. But, Mr. Olsen, you must remember this: Your cow had no
business being upon our tracks. Those tracks are our private property
and when she invaded them, she became a trespasser. Technically
speaking, you, as her owner, became a trespasser also. But we have no
desire to carry the issue into court and possibly give you trouble. Now
then, what would you regard as a fair settlement between you and the
"Vail," said Mr. Olsen slowly, "Ay bane poor Swede farmer, but Ay shall
give you two dollars."
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