After Dinner Speeches
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Mrs. Hicks was telling some ladies about the burglar scare in her house
the night before.
"Yes," she said, "I heard a noise and got up, and there, from under the
bed, I saw a man's legs sticking out."
"Mercy!" exclaimed a woman. "The burglar's legs?"
"No, my dear; my husband's legs. He heard the noise, too."
MRS. PECK--"Henry, what would you do if burglars broke into our house
MR. PECK (_valiantly_)--"Humph! I should keep perfectly cool, my dear."
And when, a few nights later, burglars _did_ break in, Henry kept his
promise: he hid in the ice-box.
Johnny hasn't been to school long, but he already holds some peculiar
views regarding the administration of his particular room.
The other day he came home with a singularly morose look on his usually
"Why, Johnny," said his mother, "what's the matter?"
"I ain't going to that old school no more," he fiercely announced.
"Why, Johnny," said his mother reproachfully, "you mustn't talk like
that. What's wrong with the school?"
"I ain't goin' there no more," Johnny replied; "an" it's because all th'
boys in my room is blamed old cowards!"
"Why, Johnny, Johnny!"
"Yes, they are. There was a boy whisperin' this mornin', an' teacher saw
him an' bumped his head on th' desk ever an' ever so many times. An'
those big cowards sat there an' didn't say quit nor nothin'. They let
that old teacher bang th' head off th' poor little boy, an' they just
sat there an' seen her do it!"
"And what did you do, Johnny?"
"I didn't do nothin'--I was the boy!"--_Cleveland Plain Dealer_.
A negro came running down the lane as though the Old Boy were after him.
"What are you running for, Mose?" called the colonel from the barn.
"I ain't a-runnin' fo'," shouted back Mose. "I'se a-runnin' from!"
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