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"Did you punish our son for throwing a lump of coal at Willie Smiggs?"
asked the careful mother.

"I did," replied the busy father. "I don't care so much for the Smiggs
boy, but I can't have anybody in this family throwing coal around like
that."

"Live within your income," was a maxim uttered by Mr. Carnegie on his
seventy-sixth birthday. This is easy; the difficulty is to live without
it.--_Satire_.

"You say your jewels were stolen while the family was at dinner?"

"No, no! This is an important robbery. Our dinner was stolen while we
were putting on our jewels."

A grouchy butcher, who had watched the price of porterhouse steak climb
the ladder of fame, was deep in the throes of an unusually bad grouch
when a would-be customer, eight years old, approached him and handed him
a penny.

"Please, mister, I want a cent's worth of sausage."

Turning on the youngster with a growl, he let forth this burst of good
salesmanship:

"Go smell o' the hook!"

TOM--"My pa is very religious. He always bows his head and says
something before meals."

DICK--"Mine always says something when he sits down to eat, but he don't
bow his head."

TOM--"What does he say?"

DICK--"Go easy on the butter, kids, it's forty cents a pound."

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