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A milliner endeavored to sell to a colored woman one of the last
season's hats at a very moderate price. It was a big white picture-hat.
"Law, no, honey!" exclaimed the woman. "I could nevah wear that. I'd
look jes' like a blueberry in a pan of milk."
A well-known author tells of an English spinster who said, as she
watched a great actress writhing about the floor as Cleopatra:
"How different from the home life of our late dear queen!"
"Darling," whispered the ardent suitor, "I lay my fortune at your feet."
"Your fortune?" she replied in surprise. "I didn't know you had one."
"Well, it isn't much of a fortune, but it will look large besides those
"Girls make me tired," said the fresh young man. "They are always going
to palmists to have their hands read."
"Indeed!" said she sweetly; "is that any worse than men going into
saloons to get their noses red?"
A friend once wrote Mark Twain a letter saying that he was in very bad
health, and concluding: "Is there anything worse than having toothache
and earache at the same time?"
The humorist wrote back: "Yes, rheumatism and Saint Vitus's dance."
The Rev. Dr. William Emerson, of Boston, son of Ralph Waldo Emerson,
recently made a trip through the South, and one Sunday attended a
meeting in a colored church. The preacher was a white man, however, a
white man whose first name was George, and evidently a prime favorite
with the colored brethren. When the service was over Dr. Emerson walked
home behind two members of the congregation, and overheard this
conversation: "Massa George am a mos' pow'ful preacher." "He am dat."
"He's mos's pow'ful as Abraham Lincoln." "Huh! He's mo' pow'ful dan
Lincoln." "He's mos' 's pow'ful as George Washin'ton." "Huh! He's mo'
pow'ful dan Washin'ton." "Massa George ain't quite as pow'ful as God."
"N-n-o, not quite. But he's a young man yet."
Is it possible your pragmatical worship should not know that the
comparisons made between wit and wit, courage and courage, beauty and
beauty, birth and birth, are always odious and ill taken?--_Cervantes_.
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