DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork
DOCTOR--You are fagged out; you must give up all headwork. PATIENT--Why, that spells ruin! I'm a hair-dresser! ... Doing anything now Bill
"Doing anything now, Bill?" "Oh, yes, I'm kept busy all the time." "Ah, glad to hear it. What are you doing?" "Looking for a job." ... Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon
Don't doubt the veteran who tells you he was always where the bullets were thickest; perhaps he was hiding under the ammunition wagon. ... Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards
Don't pen missives to your best girl on postal cards. She may have suspicion that you do not care two cents for her. ... Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail then you can let go without getting some one to help you
Don't take a bull by the horns; take him by the tail, then you can let go without getting some one to help you. ... Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination
"Don't talk to me about compulsory vaccination!" exclaimed the man who had his arm in a sling. "I'm sore on that subject." ... Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others
Broker--"Don't you find it easier to shave some men than others?" Barber--"Yes; don't you?" ... Each evening a good-looking Mr
Each evening a good-looking Mr. Comes around for a visit to my Sr.; One night on the stairs, He, all unawares, Put his arm round her figure and Kr. ... Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--I remember your face perfectly miss but your name has escaped me
Elderly Man (greeting former acquaintance)--"I remember your face perfectly, miss, but your name has escaped me." The Young Woman--"I don't wonder. It escaped me three years ago. I am married now." ... Electricity is a great educator
Electricity is a great educator. Think what it has done to make men see things in a new light. ... Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross
"Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross." ... Everybody knows a woman is hard to please
Everybody knows a woman is hard to please. She likes the matrimonial harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man who is strapped. ... FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of she to a city
FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city? GEORGE--I don't know. Why is it? FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts. ... Firemen as well as other people like to talk of their flames
Firemen, as well as other people, like to talk of their flames. ... FIRST COMEDIAN--Did you score a hit with your new specialty
FIRST COMEDIAN--"Did you score a hit with your new specialty?" SECOND COMEDIAN--"Did I? Why, the audience gazed in open-mouthed wonder before I was half through." FIRST COMEDIAN--"Wonderful! It is seldom that an entire audience yawns at once....

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY