FIRST DOCTOR--Well doctor I had a peculiar case to-day
FIRST DOCTOR--Well, doctor, I had a peculiar case to-day. SECOND DOCTOR--What was it, please? FIRST DOCTOR--I attended a grass widow who is afflicted with hay fever. ... FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a keener sense of humor than others
FIRST FLY--Did it ever occur to you the baldheaded men have a keener sense of humor than others? SECOND FLY--Well, I have noticed that they seem to be easily tickled. ... FIRST SENIOR--Heard about Exsheff
FIRST SENIOR--Heard about Exsheff? He went down into South Africa, and he's come home a regular repository of Zulu spearheads and Boer bullets. SECOND SENIOR--I always said he had good metal in him. ... For mercy sake don't put me near old Billions
"For mercy sake, don't put me near old Billions!" said Mrs. Lookyoung to her friend. "Why not?" said the other. "He's awfully interesting." "I know it," said Mrs. Lookyoung, "but I never sit next to him at dinner but that he blurts out someth... For years she'd heard her husband sadly say: Can't we have pies like mother used to bake
For years she'd heard her husband sadly say: "Can't we have pies like mother used to bake?" At last she cried: "Of course we can, you Jay, When you make dough that papa used to make." ... FRANKLIN--Do you know I started in life as a barefooted boy
FRANKLIN--"Do you know, I started in life as a barefooted boy?" HARDY--"Well, I'll tell you I wasn't born with shoes on." ... FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co
FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co. advertising for models. DICK--What for? FRED--To try on Parlor suits. ... FRED--I had a fall last night which rendered me unconscious for several hours
FRED--"I had a fall last night which rendered me unconscious for several hours." ED--"You don't mean it? Where did you fall?" FRED--"I fell asleep." ... Friend of mine to-day said Mr
"Friend of mine to-day," said Mr. Kidder, "was talking of coming here to board." "I hope," remarked Mrs. Starvem, "you were pleased to recommend our table and"---- "Sure! Told him it was just the thing for him. He's a pugilist and wants to i... FRIEND--Do you permit your wife to have her own way
FRIEND--Do you permit your wife to have her own way? HUSBAND (positively)--No, sir. She has it without my permission. ... Full many a coat tail that is long and wide Does from the public gaze two monstrous patches hide
Full many a coat tail that is long and wide Does from the public gaze two monstrous patches hide. ... Gee I just made a bad break murmured the chef as he threw away some rotten eggs
"Gee, I just made a bad break," murmured the chef, as he threw away some rotten eggs. ... Gee whizz
"Gee whizz!" said the boy who had been forced to take castor oil. "I do wish ma was a Christian Scientist!" ... George you look exhausted she said to him as he was putting on his hat and coat
"George, you look exhausted," she said to him as he was putting on his hat and coat. "Yes," he answered, glancing towards his daughter at the piano. "I'm played out." ... GEORGE--I can't understand why my girl shook me
GEORGE--I can't understand why my girl shook me. HAROLD--What was that you wrote to her the last time? GEORGE--All that I said was, "My Dear Susie: The dog I promised you has just died. Hoping these few lines will find you the same. Yours, Ge...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY