He always kneeled before the maid And kissed her finger tips; But he lost out
He always kneeled before the maid And kissed her finger tips; But he lost out. Another man Came by and kissed her lips. ... He called her an angel before they were wed But that alas
He called her an angel before they were wed, But that, alas! didn't endure. For ere many months had passed over his head, He wished that she was one for sure. ... He dined not wisely but too well-- Hence all his ills; And nothing now agrees with him Excepting pills
He dined, not wisely, but too well-- Hence all his ills; And nothing now agrees with him, Excepting pills. ... He has none of the finer sensibilities nothing to distinguish him from the common herd
"He has none of the finer sensibilities, nothing to distinguish him from the common herd." "No?" "No, sir. I've heard him confess, out of his own mouth, that all autos smell alike to him."--Puck. ... He kissed her on the cheek; It seemed a harmless frolic; He's been laid up a week-- They say with painter's colic
He kissed her on the cheek; It seemed a harmless frolic; He's been laid up a week-- They say, with painter's colic. ... He said to her: You're just a bird
He said to her: "You're just a bird!" "Then, Johnnie, dear," said she, "If all is true that I have heard, A bottle goes with me." ... He seems to have gone to the bad completely
"He seems to have gone to the bad completely." "Yes; I believe he found himself between the devil and the deep sea, and he realized that he couldn't swim." ... He used to send her roses; He sent them every hour But now they're married and he sends Her home a cauliflower
He used to send her roses; He sent them every hour, But now they're married and he sends Her home a cauliflower. ... He was a genial smiling man And fond of whisky plain But when he joined the temperance club He never smiled again
He was a genial, smiling man And fond of whisky plain, But when he joined the temperance club, He never smiled again. ... He went on a lark So his wife did remark And some angry words too did she mutter
He went on a lark, So his wife did remark, And some angry words, too, did she mutter. On a lark he went out, Of that fact there's no doubt, But he came in, alas! on a shutter. ... He who courts and goes away May court again another day; But he who weds and courts girls still May go to court against his will
He who courts and goes away, May court again another day; But he who weds and courts girls still May go to court against his will. ... He's a professional grafter
"He's a professional grafter." "Who?" "The nurseryman." ... He's quite a star as an after dinner speaker isn't he
"He's quite a star as an after dinner speaker, isn't he?" "Star? He's a regular moon. He becomes brighter the fuller he gets." ... HE--Did you ever see anything at so-called bargain sales that was really cheap
HE--Did you ever see anything at so-called bargain sales that was really cheap? SHE--Yes; the look on the man's face who accompanied his wife to one of them. ... HE--Didn't you promise to love honor and obey me
HE--"Didn't you promise to love, honor and obey me?" SHE--"Heaven only knows what I promised. I was listening to hear what you promised." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY