Here lies poor Sam: and what is strange Grim death has worked in him a change---- He always lied and always will He once lied loud and now lies still
"Here lies poor Sam: and what is strange, Grim death has worked in him a change---- He always lied and always will, He once lied loud and now lies still." ... Here's an account of a hen which layed three eggs at once and then died remarked Mrs
"Here's an account of a hen which layed three eggs at once, and then died," remarked Mrs. Sumway. "From over-eggsertion, probably," commented her husband. ... Hey boy where's your brother
"Hey, boy, where's your brother?" "In the barn, shoein' horses." "Where's your mother?" "In the back yard, shooin' chickens." "Where's your father?" "In the hammock, shooin' flies." ... How about the lazy man who hurt his eye looking for work
"How about the lazy man who hurt his eye looking for work?" "That's nothing. How about the industrious safe breaker doing time for making money?" ... How are you to-day
"How are you to-day?" "Oh, I can't kick." "Thought you were ill." "I am--I have the gout." ... How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed
How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed. He'll shake your hand one minute and He'll pull your leg the next! ... How could you endure talking so long with that ugly old woman with that frightful costume without laughing in her face
"How could you endure talking so long with that ugly old woman with that frightful costume without laughing in her face?" "Oh, that's easy. She is my wife." ... How did that fight between the bridge tenders end
"How did that fight between the bridge tenders end?" "It was fought to a draw--and they both fell in!" ... How did you cure your boy of swearing
"How did you cure your boy of swearing?" "By the laying on of hands, principally." ... How is Uncle Mose coming on
"How is Uncle Mose coming on?" asked Sam Johnsing of Jim Webster. "He will be out in a few days." "Is his rheumatism done gone?" "Well, not perzackly. Dar's room for improvement yit." "Yes, I've heerd some rheumers ter dat effec'." ... How is your house heated
"How is your house heated?" "By hot air." "Hot air?" "Yes--the landlord's." ... How to gain flesh--buy out a butcher shop
How to gain flesh--buy out a butcher shop. ... How to make your trousers last Make your coat and waistcoat first
"How to make your trousers last," "Make your coat and waistcoat first." ... How to signal a bark--pull a dog's tail
How to signal a bark--pull a dog's tail. ... HUSBAND--I am going to buy two little children
HUSBAND--"I am going to buy two little children." WIFE--"Where in the world can you buy them?" HUSBAND--"Down at the department store." WIFE--"Who put such nonsense into your head?" HUSBAND--"I saw a big sign in their window to-day, 'Ladi...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY