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It happened in Topeka. Three clothing stores were on the same block. One
morning the middle proprietor saw to the right of him a big
sign--"Bankrupt Sale," and to the left--"Closing Out at Cost." Twenty
minutes later there appeared over his own door, in larger letters, "Main
Entrance."


In a section of Washington where there are a number of hotels and cheap
restaurants, one enterprising concern has displayed in great illuminated
letters, "Open All Night." Next to it was a restaurant bearing with
equal prominence the legend:

"We Never Close."

Third in order was a Chinese laundry in a little, low-framed, tumbledown
hovel, and upon the front of this building was the sign, in great,
scrawling letters:

"Me wakee, too."


A boy looking for something to do saw the sign "Boy Wanted" hanging
outside of a store in New York. He picked up the sign and entered the
store.

The proprietor met him. "What did you bring that sign in here for?"
asked the storekeeper.

"You won't need it any more," said the boy cheerfully. "I'm going to
take the job."


A Chinaman found his wife lying dead in a field one morning; a tiger had
killed her.

The Chinaman went home, procured some arsenic, and, returning to the
field, sprinkled it over the corpse.

The next day the tiger's dead body lay beside the woman's. The Chinaman
sold the tiger's skin to a mandarin, and its body to a physician to make
fear-cure powders, and with the proceeds he was able to buy a younger
wife.


A rather simple-looking lad halted before a blacksmith's shop on his way
home from school and eyed the doings of the proprietor with much
interest.

The brawny smith, dissatisfied with the boy's curiosity, held a piece of
red-hot iron suddenly under the youngster's nose, hoping to make him
beat a hasty retreat.

"If you'll give me half a dollar I'll lick it," said the lad.

The smith took from his pocket half a dollar and held it out.

The simple-looking youngster took the coin, licked it, dropped it in his
pocket and slowly walked away whistling.


"Do you know where Johnny Locke lives, my little boy?" asked a
gentle-voiced old lady.

"He aint home, but if you give me a penny I'll find him for you right
off," replied the lad.

"All right, you're a nice little boy. Now where is he?"

"Thanks--I'm him."


"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need,"
would seem to be the principle of the Chinese storekeeper whom a
traveler tells about. The Chinaman asked $2.50 for five pounds of tea,
while he demanded $7.50 for ten pounds of the same brand. His business
philosophy was expressed in these words of explanation: "More buy, more
rich--more rich, more can pay!"


In a New York street a wagon loaded with lamp globes collided with a
truck and many of the globes were smashed. Considerable sympathy was
felt for the driver as he gazed ruefully at the shattered fragments. A
benevolent-looking old gentleman eyed him compassionately.

"My poor man," he said, "I suppose you will have to make good this loss
out of your own pocket?"

"Yep," was the melancholy reply.

"Well, well," said the philanthropic old gentleman, "hold out your
hat--here's a quarter for you; and I dare say some of these other people
will give you a helping hand too."

The driver held out his hat and several persons hastened to drop coins
in it. At last, when the contributions had ceased, he emptied the
contents of his hat into his pocket. Then, pointing to the retreating
figure of the philanthropist who had started the collection, he
observed: "Say, maybe he ain't the wise guy! That's me boss!"





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