A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint
"A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint." "Why?" "There is a continual 'hello' around her head." ... A tramp asked a farmer for something to eat One day as he chanced there to stop The kind hearted farmer went out to the shed And gave him an axe and feelingly said: Now just help yourself to a chop
A tramp asked a farmer for something to eat One day as he chanced there to stop, The kind hearted farmer went out to the shed And gave him an axe and feelingly said: "Now just help yourself to a chop." ... A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish provision dealer said Can you supply me with a yard of pork
A wag who thought to have a joke at the expense of an Irish provision dealer said, "Can you supply me with a yard of pork?" "Pat," said the dealer to his assistant, "give this gentleman three pig's feet." ... A watch's fate is hard indeed For when it's not in soak It's set back if it gets ahead And scorned whene'er it's broke
A watch's fate is hard indeed, For when it's not in soak It's set back if it gets ahead And scorned whene'er it's broke. ... A woman fell overboard from a ship yesterday and a shark came up and looked her over and went away
"A woman fell overboard from a ship yesterday and a shark came up and looked her over and went away." "He never touched her?" "No. He was a man-eating shark." ... A woman never fully understands the hardness of the world until she falls off a bicycle a few times
A woman never fully understands the hardness of the world until she falls off a bicycle a few times. ... A woman's shoe that is a mile too big is never a foot in length
A woman's shoe that is "a mile too big," is never a foot in length. ... A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers all named Samuel
A young lady in Philadelphia is said to have had five lovers, all named Samuel. Her photograph album must be a book of Sams. ... About the only time my tailor gives his customers regular fit said Buttons is when they neglect to pay their bills
"About the only time my tailor gives his customers regular fit," said Buttons, "is when they neglect to pay their bills." ... According to a florist's magazine Jacks are becoming cheap
According to a florist's magazine "Jacks are becoming cheap." This may be true, but we have known men who would have been willing to pay $10 for one to put with the two already in their hands. ... ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr
ACTOR FRIEND (inquiring at boarding house)--Has Mr. Comedy taken his departure yet? "Yes," snapped the landlady, "but that's all he did take; I've got his wardrobe." ... Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you
Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you. ... After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap
After a man has had occasion to employ a first-class lawyer it is useless to tell him that talk is cheap. ... After all you know said Mr
"After all, you know," said Mr. Oldbeau, "a man is only as old as he feels"---- "Yes," said Miss Pepprey, "but some old men make the mistake of thinking they are as young as they think they feel." ... After wedding a rich heiress Price Said Gambling's a terrible vice But one thing I know This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice
After wedding a rich heiress, Price Said, "Gambling's a terrible vice, But one thing I know, This matching for dough Is a thing that's exceedingly nice." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY