As he walked with baby He had to confess That marriage with him Was a howling success
As he walked with baby He had to confess That marriage with him Was a howling success. ... As man and wife are one the husband when seated with his wife must be beside himself
As man and wife are one, the husband when seated with his wife, must be beside himself. ... As the umpire shouted Three balls
As the umpire shouted "Three balls!" the batsman started guiltily. "This isn't the first time I've raised something on a diamond," he muttered, as he hit the next one and knocked a pop-fly to the pitcher. ... ASKIT-What is a convenient fall trip for me to take
ASKIT-What is a convenient fall trip for me to take? TELLIT-You might step on a banana peel or try to balance on a cake of soap at the head of the stairs. ... At a West End hotel one of the party asked: Have you got any celery waiter
At a West End hotel one of the party asked: "Have you got any celery, waiter?" "No, sir," was the significant answer; "I relies on me tips." ... Attorney for the Defense--Have you ever been cross-examined before
Attorney for the Defense--Have you ever been cross-examined before? The Witness--Have I. I'm a married man.--Life. ... BACON--What's that thread tied about your little finger for
BACON--What's that thread tied about your little finger for? EGBERT--Oh, that's just to remind my wife to ask me if I forgot something she told me to remember. ... Before marriage women wants tenderness
Before marriage, women wants tenderness. In a little while she is satisfied with legal tender. ... BESS--May wears the worst clothes when she is riding horseback
BESS--May wears the worst clothes when she is riding horseback. Look at her now! FRED--That certainly is one of her bad habits. ... Betty, why do you sit up at this hour of the night darning your stockings
"Betty, why do you sit up at this hour of the night darning your stockings?" said mother, sharply; "don't you know it's 12 o'clock?" "Oh, yes," laughed Betty, "but it's never too late to mend!" ... BIGGS--I hear the jail was afire this morning
BIGGS--"I hear the jail was afire this morning?" BAGGS--"Naw; it was only a sell." ... BIGGS--That butcher is an awkward fellow
BIGGS--That butcher is an awkward fellow. BOGGS--Yes, I notice his hands are always in his weigh. ... Bill had a billboard
Bill had a billboard. Bill also had a board bill. The board bill bored Bill so that Bill sold the billboard to pay board bill. So, after Bill sold his billboard to pay his board bill, the board bill no longer bored Bill. ... Bluff a little bluff a little As you go your way; Bluffing may not always help you-- Many times it may
Bluff a little, bluff a little As you go your way; Bluffing may not always help you-- Many times it may. Bluff a little, bluff a little; Men may rail at you-- But you'll see by watching closely That th... Boss hab you got any ob dem confound cavortic pills
"Boss, hab you got any ob dem confound cavortic pills?" "Yes. Do you want them plain or coated?" "Dunno. I want dem ones what's whitewashed." ...

Whether tall men or short men are best Or bold men or modest and shy men I can't say but this I protest All the fair are in favor of Hy-men Charlemagne was in need of amusement Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant Ma what is a Panama man called Ah Adversity is not without comfort--your enemy may be in harder luck than you Yes there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia MRS

What's the matter here MRS How by the statesman insincere Man's weary soul is vexed When we first dined at a cafe We feared they'd drop their trays but later We learned somewhat to our dismay It takes--as scores of men will say-- A big tip to upset a waiter Rowley Powley pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry To-morrow never comes they say; But all such talk is idle gush For when we have a debt to pay To-morrow gets there with a rush 'Tis now the wily urchin mocks The lynx-eyed cop along the docks And plunges in the cooling tide Arrayed in naught else but his hide An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY