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_Magistrate:_ "Can't this case be settled out of court?"

_Mulligan:_ "Sure, sure; that's what we were trying to do, your honor,
when the police interfered."

* * *

An old darky visited a doctor and received instructions as to what he
should do. Shaking his head, he was about to leave the office, when the
doctor called out "Hey, there, uncle, you forgot to pay me." "Pay you
fo' what, boss?" "For my advice." "Nossuh, boss," said Rastus, shuffling
out. "I'se compluntated it from all angles and decided not to take it."

* * *

An airman had been taking up passengers for short trips, and by the time
his last trip came was absolutely fed up by being asked silly questions.
He told his passengers, two ladies, that on no account were they to
speak to him; that he could not talk and give his attention to his
machine, and that they must keep silent. Up they went, and the airman
quite enjoyed himself. He looped the loop and practiced all sorts of
stunts to his own satisfaction with no interruption from his passengers
until he felt a touch on his arm. "What is it?" he said impatiently.
"I'm so sorry to trouble you," said a voice behind, "and I know I
oughtn't to speak. I do apologize sincerely, but I can't help it. I
thought perhaps you ought to know Annie's gone."

* * *

_Chloe:_ I sho' mighter knowed I gwine have bad luck if I do dat washin'
on Friday.

_Daphne:_ What bad luck done come to you?

_Chloe:_ I sen' home dat pink silk petticoat wid de filly aidge what I
was gwine keep out to wear to chu'ch on Sunday.

* * *

The professor was deeply absorbed in some scientific subject when the
nurse announced the arrival of a boy. "What--who?" stammered the
professor absently. "Why interrupt me--isn't my wife at home?"

* * *





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