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Physicians And Surgeons

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The eight-year-old son of a Baltimore physician, together with a friend,
was playing in his father's office, during the absence of the doctor,
when suddenly the first lad threw open a closet door and disclosed to
the terrified gaze of his little friend an articulated skeleton.

When the visitor had sufficiently recovered from his shock to stand the
announcement the doctor's son explained that his father was extremely
proud of that skeleton.

"Is he?" asked the other. "Why?"

"I don't know," was the answer; "maybe it was his first patient."


The doctor stood by the bedside, and looked gravely down at the sick
man.

"I can not hide from you the fact that you are very ill," he said. "Is
there any one you would like to see?"

"Yes," said the sufferer faintly.

"Who is it?"

"Another doctor."--_Judge_.


"Doctor, I want you to look after my office while I'm on my vacation."

"But I've just graduated, doctor. Have had no experience." "That's all
right, my boy. My practice is strictly fashionable. Tell the men to play
golf and ship the lady patients off to Europe."


An old darky once lay seriously ill of fever and was treated for a long
time by one doctor, and then another doctor, for some reason, came and
took the first one's place. The second physician made a thorough
examination of the patient. At the end he said, "Did the other doctor
take your temperature?"

"Ah dunno, sah," the patient answered. "Ah hain't missed nuthin' so far
but mah watch."


There had been an epidemic of colds in the town, and one physician who
had had scarcely any sleep for two days called upon a patient--an
Irishman--who was suffering from pneumonia, and as he leaned over to
hear the patient's respiration he called upon Pat to count.

The doctor was so fatigued that he fell asleep, with his ear on the sick
man's chest. It seemed but a minute when he suddenly awoke to hear Pat
still counting: "Tin thousand an' sivinty-six, tin thousand an'
sivinty-sivin--"


FIRST DOCTOR--"I operated on him for appendicitis."

SECOND DOCTOR--"What was the matter with him?"--_Life_.


FUSSY LADY PATIENT--"I was suffering so much, doctor, that I wanted to
die."

DOCTOR--"You did right to call me in, dear lady."


MEDICAL STUDENT--"What did you operate on that man for?"

EMINENT SURGEON--"Two hundred dollars."

MEDICAL STUDENT--"I mean what did he have?"

EMINENT SURGEON--"Two hundred dollars."


The three degrees in medical treatment--Positive, ill; comparative,
pill; superlative, bill.


"What caused the coolness between you and that young doctor? I thought
you were engaged."

"His writing is rather illegible. He sent me a note calling for 10,000
kisses."

"Well?"

"I thought it was a prescription, and took it to the druggist to be
filled."


A tourist while traveling in the north of Scotland, far away from
anywhere, exclaimed to one of the natives: "Why, what do you do when any
of you are ill? You can never get a doctor."

"Nae, sir," replied Sandy. "We've jist to dee a naitural death."


When the physician gives you medicine and tells you to take it, you take
it. "Yours not to reason why; yours but to do and die."


Physicians, of all men, are most happy: whatever good success soever
they have, the world proclaimeth; and what faults they commit, the earth
covereth.--_Quarles_.


This is the way that physicians mend or end us,
Secundum artem: but although we sneer
In health--when ill, we call them to attend us,
Without the least propensity to jeer.

--_Byron_.


_See also_ Bills.





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